A New One

I just got an email from someone pitching their book to me. It was addressed "Dear Literary Agent" and that misnomer (and horrible intro to a real query letter anyway) was quickly followed by the vague but trying to be specific "After finding your email address on an online writer forum, in which it implies that you are currently accepting new projects...". I'm really curious how this genius not only found my email address but also deduced that I'm a literary agent taking new projects. Did he go to Forward Motion and assume that everyone there is an agent? Did he do some odd blanket email that included any email found on any website remotely dealing with writing?

I'm very tempted to write some kind of cleverly worded response to him, but I'm afraid of the scam factor. Even though the guy has a very swanky looking website and has already had his first book published (via a print on demand press disguised as a self-publishing house, I think), I still can't shake the idea of a scam. But if this guy ever makes it to the real publishing world, I'm going to laugh myself silly. And whoever publishes him will be crossed off my list of houses to submit my work.

I don't know how to seque into this, but it really should be obvious to anyone that this would not be something a professional writer would include in a query letter: "You may search for [this book] on www.Google.com. By doing so, you will find that [this book] has reached readers as far as in Europe and even in Japan." Wait, this could be a great idea. Maybe in my next query letter, I'll suggest the agent read my blog and provide my site stats so he or she can see how widely read I am. Yeah. I can see the lucrative contracts flooding my mail box now.

I would link to his site so you can read a quick snippet of the laborious text, but I don't want to give this guy free publicity. Plus, he'd probably read this post and think that he got it wrong and I'm really a publisher, not an agent, and try to submit his work to my private little slushpile (here's a hint: sure, I've got a slushpile; it's got a match right next to it). Part of me really wants to send a note to this guy trying to describe where I think he's going way wrong because I don't want any newbie writer to start off their career so horribly. But I think he's beyond amendment. Well, at least he provided me with a morning's entertainment.