Saturday, May 31, 2003


So I got back a day early. My brother left for Phoenix yesterday so he could get all his stuff from Mom's (including his car), so I certainly had nothing keeping me in San Diego until today. So I hopped on an afternoon flight yesterday to get back home. The real truth is, I didn't want to be away from Mark any longer. In less than two weeks, we spent five days apart between my trip to San Diego and the Director's Workshop. And it really took it's toll on me. Him and Addy, too. :) Nosey was perfect as punch, though, having got rid of her competition (me) for so many days. She's been trying the tactic of showering me with affection recently. I'll bet she figures that she can lure me into a fall sense of security and then off me. Well, we'll just see about that.

I was going to finish my book today, but I'm exhausted. The last two weeks have been insane, and I think my bod's just realized that I can take a rest now. That, and all the dramamine and adavant in my system the last week can't be helping anything. This blog is usually a barometer for my writing, and seeing as how I can't even work up the energy to post about my trip to San Diego or even the MRI speaks volumes. So tomorrow will be the big day. I'm going to focus my energy (the little of it I have) today on just chilling, maybe catching "Finding Nemo" and relaxing.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

Away Again

This will be my last post until Sunday, most likely. I'm going to be pretty busy today trying to get everything ready for my vacation. I'm so excited, even if it does seem like the world is just swirling around me in a frenzy! Didn't do any writing yesterday. I just got caught up in all the insanity of this week and allowed myself to get upset about the MRI again and how it's preventing me from being there right when Brad arrives. So Mark and I went to see "Bruce Almighty" to cheer me up. Funny movie. Not the pee your pants funny I was hoping for, but still enough to shake away the bad vibes. Let's hope they stay gone.

I've never been to California before. I'm really looking forward to that as well as seeing my brother. And I get to spend more time with Brad's fiancee and maybe get to know more about her than her name! :)

And I did get the price SNAFU fixed with Frontier. Still can't believe that I didn't notice it right away. Good thing Mark was paying attention.

Monday, May 26, 2003

Listening to:

"The Matrix Reloaded" Soundtrack. Think whatever you want about the movie, but ya gotta admit that the soundtrack kicks some serious ass. Even the Marilyn Manson song (and, trust me, I never thought I would have anything positive to say about that guy). I highly recommend both Matrix soundtracks if you're looking for inspiration for gritty, hard-edged characters and that's just not your background (guilty).

Speaking of writing, I promised my father-in-law that I would finish those last two chapters of Human Dignity today. But that might not happen. There's just so much I have to do to prepare for my trip to San Diego. I know I want to do one of those outlines I did for the climax of Part 2, and I'm hoping to maybe write one of the two chapters today. And then there's always down time on the plane and next weekend. Yes, this will be done by June 1. And it would be great if my Muse stopped by and told me how to bilocate today so I could get the writing done and take care of running around town at the same time. Muse, you hear that? Get busy!

Friday, May 23, 2003


I was just about to relax when Mark pointed out to me that Fronteir charged me $800 more than they were supposed to for my flight to San Diego. So now the panic level has surged back up and I have to deal with craziness again. I just want to get on the plane and have a great weekend celebrating love and life and happiness. Can I go now, please?

By the way, I'll be away until Monday, so no posting for a couple days. You'll survive. :)


Wow. Talk about a convergence of events! We signed a pre-lease last night locking in all the rates and our apartment for a July 1st move-in. Then we packed like mad so we could leave right after work today for our flight to Atlanta. At 11 AM this morning, my mom called to inform that my brother will be returning from Iraq on Tuesday. And let's not forget my MRI is Wed at 6:45 AM. So after a frantic two hours trying to coordinate travel with my father (Oklahoma City) and Brad's fiancee (Maryland), I finally figured out that I can fly out to San Diego AFTER my MRI and spend a couple days out there with my Baby Bro. This means that I won't be able to actually be right there when he gets off the plane, but I'll be there no more than a day after. I just couldn't try to fly out Monday, risk his flight getting delayed until Wednesday, and have to fly back very early Wed morning to make my appointment. I would've just rescheduled my MRI, but I couldn't get one until late June, and I don't want to wait that long.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

Apologies to Blogger

Apparently my last post was not done correctly and the blog is now quite pissed at me. I was only telling you to go see The Surrealist Compliment Generator. That's all. Really.

Your eyes are much like milky pools of pantyhose.

Check out The Surrealist Compliment Generator for other strange sentences such as this. Be prepared to laugh or crease your brow in confusion.

Wednesday, May 21, 2003


It looks like we've got an apartment all set and ready to go for a July 1 move in. This is a couple weeks earlier than we thought we could handle, but they have so many move-in deals going on right now that we can do it. Talk about a huge load off our minds. And now we have a full month to move in at our leisure (our other lease runs out Aug 6). Or a full month to move out of our old place, depending on how you want to look at it. Yay! I'm so excited about getting out of the dump we're in now! Excuse me while I do about twenty different variations of the Happy Dance. :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2003

Feel Like Learning?

I've been trying to get a small grasp on weather so as to pattern out the weather on my fantasy world. I figure once I have an understanding of what the weather on my planet is going to be like, then I'll be able to start creating cultural nuances in my world. I found a great site that has a rather elaborate tutorial about weather. It's seems to be written in very simple terms and accurate (let's hope it is, since it's a service of one of the NOAA's divisions). If you've got some time, check it out. I've only skimmed through a few of the lessons myself, but it looks really good.


So even though yesterday didn't go so well, things are good. I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't do the MRI last night. Because then I would've heard the results by Friday. If they were bad, I wouldn't have been very good company for Beth's wedding this weekend. So now I'll be able to truly enjoy myself in Atlanta this weekend, and be happy for Beth and Tim.

Also, we've been getting more news about my brother's return, and it seems to be sooner rather than later. It's possible that my brother will be assigned to the troops that will escort their equipment home via ship, which would delay his return but also give us more time to prepare for his arrival. But right now, we're all starting to plan on his coming home within the next couple of weeks. We're arranging for rides or flights and hotel rooms, etc. And I think tonight I'll start making a big sign to wave around and really embarrass him when he gets off the plane. *VEG* Something using my "Baby Bro" nickname for him that he's never been overly fond of. :) And this flurry of email planning within my family as allowed me to start communicating with Brad's fiancee. So that's been nice.

And for my last positive, the Director's Workshop was great. Not only did I realize exactly why I often get frustrated with my chorus, but I also found out that the other key players in the chorus feel the same way and want to do something about it. And I was told by the directors of two very successful choruses that I have a lot of tenor (bright) quality to my lead (melody) voice. Nice to make that ego swell. Especially when it comes to my voice, something which was a bit trampled in my college singing experience.

So I may be a dizzy blonde with a lot of worrying now, but life is still good.

MRI Madness

Well, I was supposed to get an MRI last night. But I didn't. I was on the table, being slowly moved into the tube, and I watched the walls come sloping in toward me until they were just inches from my nose, and I went a little nuts. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of, "Ok, No, no, no. Get me out. Get me out." Etc. The doc pulled me out of the tube and very calmly and humorously explained that I'd just suffered the usual severe claustrophobic response. His attitude put me at ease because it told me that I was by no means unique in this matter. But I was really upset and frustrated when he told me that I'd have to reschedule because he couldn't sedate me in time (and I don't think he was allowed to do that anyway because he's not my primary doctor - relatively new insurance company for me, not sure of the rules yet). In his experience, he said I'd have a snowball's chance in a heatwave (his words, not mine - I love these guys) to get the procedure done well considering my initial response. So he suggested I have the doc get me some good drugs and reschedule. And I did. Now the MRI is next Wednesday.

Other than discovering that I can add severe claustrophobia to my mild arachnophobia (always good to know these things about yourself), yesterday was just a terrible day. I was anticipating the MRI and snapping at everyone, including Mark. I had to take the rest of the day off after my PT appointment because I couldn't focus on my job and I certainly couldn't do things well. The best part about yesterday was my PT appointment. I like my therapist a lot. And she told me that she's more concerned with the possibility that a bone in my spine is pushing into my brain or upper spinal column (brain stem?) than with the possiblity that I have a tumor or whatnot. That was good to hear. The former is not one of those "fall over dead at any second" things. And it can be fixed - but the surgery for that would be about as fun as getting hit with an 18 wheeler. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

Overall, I'm just really frustrated about having to wait another week to do the damn MRI and then another couple days to hear back on the results. Granted, I've waited for six years to get anywhere close to this point, but the dizzy episode that I'm living through right now has been going on since early March and just getting worse and worse. The stress of the unknown is certainly not helping. This is without a doubt the longest continual episode I've ever had and it's really pissing me off. I can't write as much as I want to. Work is really uncomfortable sometimes. I miss rehearsals and critiques because I'm just too worn out by the end of the day. And I can't seem to find anything that really helps. Just figure out what the hell is the problem and fix it already!

Friday, May 16, 2003


The guy who loves to spout on science at Forward Motion finally carried it too far, got the attention of Holly, and got his ass banned. At first she just suspended his membership for a week because he had broken the "No Truth" rule (stating that you know the truth and everyone else is just misguided in matters that are more commonly recognized as personal opinion). He sent her a nasty little email and she had no issues with banning him. Go Holly! That jackass has been annoying everyone with his arrogant assumptions and pontificating for quite some time.

As for writing, I spent most of today trying to outline my romance novel that I'm hoping to write next. I was really hoping to write another scifi next, but I just can't seem to kickstart my muse on that idea. And that's going to be a darker novel and I don't feel like writing dark right now. Maybe I'll find a way to make it brighter, but I doubt it. The idea originated from one of the worst situations in my life dealing with people I had mistakenly trusted. I've been screwed over before, but this just shattered my life for a while. So I don't know if it's possible to make it a bright novel. Not if I remain true to its inspiration. So I'm writing a romance instead. And I'll be ready to start my fantasy trilogy sometime soon, as well. That'll be fun. Just need to let my brain finish kicking around cultural ideas and stuff.

I'm heading up to Cheyenne right after work for a Sweet Adelines director's workshop. I'm really looking forward to it. We've got three amazing women leading the sessions and I'll be attending with six other women from my chorus. I'm bringing the laptop just in case, but I doubt I'll have time. Afterall, I did get an hour or so of writing time during Competition. At any rate, I likely won't post again until Monday. Don't cry too hard, now. :)

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Simple Minds...

My colleagues and I spent an hour two entertaining ourselves with one of those big foam hands you see at sporting events. Some kind person had left it in our area overnight. The wierd thing was that it advertised a competing software company. But we went a little crazy using this thing as a prop (did I mention it was a slow day?). My favorite was, while using the foam hand to shake hands, say, "Hi, I'm your proctologist." But my manager's rendition of the Saturday Night Fever pose with the foam hand was a very close second.

Anyway, I did get quite a bit of writing done today. About 1500 words. And Aidan and Teresa finally had their love scene. Chapter 5 turned out to be like 20 pages. I'm worried that the hearing business didn't turn out right. I'll have to see what I think on the reread.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

More Quiz Madness

Thanks to Alli for directing me to this latest quiz.

You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a
sense for the different and challenging, Walt
Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme
is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick
to write something that the rest of the world
doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate
yourself from the average joe. An author with a
true sense of self, you have confidence in your
abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO YOU!

What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

Back in the Saddle Again

OK, so I can send my missing check in for the writing contest without a problem. That takes a load off my mind. I still can't believe I did that. And I finished Chapter 4 yesterday and made some good progress into Chapter 5 (for a total of 1200 words). Writing the synopsis forced me to come up with an idea for Mike in the end. And I just threw it together figuring it would be a minor mention in the last chapter or something. But inspiration struck (gotta love the screwy Muse) and I realized that I can really work Mike's ending in earlier and make it believable and strengthen the rest of the story. Always good. So I'll continue with Chapter 5 today. The challenge in this chapter will be to prevent Aidan and Teresa from turning this book into a smutty romance (nothing against romance, I plan to write some myself; but these two have no intention of making things tasteful). I have been making them resist their urges to get it on for three weeks book time. The timing is right for them in this chapter, and I'm wondering if they'll even let me write the scene the way I want to. As for the other issue I mentioned yesterday (the mammals are animals business), the poster I think just wanted to say something about evolution and his reply to my post happened to be the opening he sought. And he even complimented my debating skills, but it's still just a wierd thing.

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

When Bad Things Happen to Good Literature

Wow. I'm not sure what inspired this, but I'm betting it involved Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey," a recently read copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, a recently watched tape of "The Island of Dr. Moreau," and vast quantities of alcohol. Or maybe someone just woke up in a wierd mood. Amusing, strange, and totally what I needed today.

Last night at 10:30, I realized that I had sent in my Colorado Gold Writing Contest Submission minus one very important component. A check for the entry fee. I'm still trying to figure out how they want me to handle it. I just love raising (or would it be lowering) the bar for all time bonehead moves. And then I spent the morning trying to figure out why a post of mine at Forward Motion ("Mammals are animals. While humans may seem distinct from the animal kingdom, biologically speaking we are not.") inspired a very long-winded rant about how evolution is not a proven fact but a theory and yadda yadda yadda. I posted my reply to explain that the classification system that places humans in the Kingdom Animalia did so a good fifty years or more before Darwin was born. Still waiting to hear back about that. The rant was rather abrasive toward me to, challenging me to provide evidence for my "chiming claims." WTF?? I specifically avoided talking about evolution and such and the Tree of Life because it had nothing to do with the original topic. I had only posted the "mammals are animals" bit because it seemed that the poster I replied to thought that mammals were distinct from animals, and taxonomy speaking, they are not.

As for writing, I'm jotting down notes for Chapter 5, and I'm thinking about diving into Chapter 4 again here soon. Don't know why I'm so afraid of this chapter.

Monday, May 12, 2003

Need to Waste Some Time?

After seeing Holly's and Sheila's results for the Hipster quiz, I decided to check out the Quizilla site. And I found the XMen quiz.

You are Professor X!
You are a very effective teacher, and you are very
committed to those who learn from you. You put
your all into everything you do, to some extent
because you fear failure more than anything
else. You are always seeking self-improvement,
even in areas where there is nothing you can do
to improve.

Which X-Men character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, May 11, 2003

Start the Day (or Just the Afternoon) Off Right

OK, didn't write at all yesterday, but I wanted to take a bit of a break after having completed my synopsis. Plus Mark was officially done with all the classes he needs to get his PhD this week (and he got an A in the course, too), so I wanted to spend a day with him, just doing whatever we wanted. That turned out to be shopping (I broke my really good streak of not using my credit card - and enjoyed every minute of it), a nice lunch, and watching movies in bed with popcorn and chocolate. Made the mistake of watching "The Ring" and was up most of the night. I should've learned long ago that my imagination is just not into being scared witless. And the movie didn't even make sense. On a scientific level, at least. The scariest movies are the ones that are plausible. This wasn't. Just disturbing and twisted. Which is enough to keep me huddled against Mark all night long, though. But I promised a pants story. So here it is.

Pants: Pants have become my nemesis. At least when it comes to clothing. I'm sure there are other things that will prove more disruptive and complicating to my life than slacks. But for now, pants win the Kellie's Enemy award (given annually in a small, overlooked ceremony in the strange, dark recesses of my mind). I discovered the foulness that was pants last year. As I prepared to move out of academia - a field in which jeans and a fading, tattered t-shirt can be worn at all times - and into education, I realized that I needed some nice slacks. Thus began the search.

The world of women's business casual clothing is a strange beast. Different blends of fabrics, different ways to measure waists, elastic, no elastic, pleated front, flat front, and the list goes on. I learned a few things very quickly. My lower half defies sizing. My legs are too short to fully fit "tall" pants, but are too long to look well in regular length pants. My waist belongs in a size 8 or 10, but my hips will not allow anything smaller than a size 12 past them. I tried to compromise with a size 10 for a while - snug around the hips, but not so loose at the waist that anyone could keep a running commentary on my underwear choices everytime I sat down. I realized on Monday that this compromise was a mistake. My size 10 khakis had always struggled to overcome the hip barrier. But for two years, they had bravely fought the good fight. As I pulled up my pants in the ladies room early Monday morning, the zipper finally called it quits. I hadn't realized just how much I had been stressing the poor thing. I wouldn't have minded this inconvenience too much - except for the fact that Monday, as you might recall, was my PT appointment. And I was also wearing holey socks. So while I'm swaying in the exam room, trying to recover my balance and bearings, my toes are wriggling out of my socks and my fly is down. Quite the little peep show. The next day I vowed to find a pair of khakis that fit.

I walked into Kohl's expecting to struggle, expecting to try on different sizes, different brands. When I saw the chaotic mess the misses section was, I knew I was doomed. They had mixed the petites with the misses. The Levi's were scattered over four display shelfs. And the sizes ranged from 2-8, then 16 and above. All 10s and 12s that I found were either regular or short. After half an hour of rooting around (on the bottom most shelves of each display area), I had a stack of five pairs that might yield something. I tried the 10s and my hips laughed defiantly. I tried the regular lengths and my legs chortled. I tried on a 12 long and my lower half sighed. Of course, I was tripping over the pants a little. So I tried rolling about an inch or so under the leg. Pefect. So perfect, in fact, that I risked the hope of finding a black pair in the same brand and style.

Foolish mistake. After another half hour of searching, I realized that 12 long only existed in blue jeans (which I didn't need) and the khakis (I only needed the one pair). There was not a single 12 long to be found in black, green, brown, white, gray, or striped. Women's wear had defeated me yet again. As I paid for the one pair of pants, I had to remind myself of my victory. I had come in looking for a pair of khakis that fit. And I had found that pair. It may be several years before such another success is realized on the pants front, but I have to hang onto this moment. One day, when I have more money than I know what to do with (OK, stop laughing now), I will fight the final battle with pants. I will go to a tailor and get the blasted garment made to fit my strange dimensions. And then I will go to the misses department in every store near me and laugh at all the pants on display. It will be beautiful day. A chorus of angels will accompany my laughter. Women around me will raise their fists in victory. And the pants will cringe.

Friday, May 09, 2003

I finished a couple drafts of the synopsis yesterday. But dizziness prevented me from getting into Chapter 4. And I was exhausted because Mark and I debated the merits of the scientific method until 1AM Thursday morning. Well, not so much the merits of the method, but whether or not we should always strictly adhere to them. As I dragged myself out of bed yesterday and hooked up the caffiene IV, I remember thinking that I should'nt have married such a smart man.

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Saving my pants story to get my brain going this weekend. Wrote quite a bit of my synopsis yesterday. It's supposed to be no more than 8 pages, and the synopsis of Part One alone is 9 pages. But I'd rather get a synopsis done and then trim. I'm nearly done with the synopsis of Part 2, and then it's on to Part 3. I think tomorrow I'll get back to writing Part 3. I feel like I've let the science stew enough for me to write it coherently and creatively. Dad finished reading Part One. He had some great catches (like I-19 doesn't continue on when it intersects with I-10 - the kind of stuff that readers like to crucify you over). And Mark brought me flowers yesterday, just out of the blue. And because I had the car, he had to walk to get them. Yet he won't reveal his floral source. Hmmm...

Tuesday, May 06, 2003


huOk, so the doctor and the physical therapist are both concerned enough that they want me to do an MRI to rule out some serious brain issues. The doctor assured me that it's highly unlikely that I've got the kind of problem an MRI would reveal (brain tumor, brain stem lesions), but...something about hearing your doctor say, "This is just to rule out the kind of stuff that would make you just keel over and die at any second" just doesn't leave you with a positive feeling. And in less than two weeks, I'll get to find out if I'm clautrophobic. I've never had any indications of that in the past, but I've also never been confined to a tube only slightly larger than myself. Fun! And I get to pay $100 for the experience. Yippee-skippee. And tonight I start the PT that the therapist asked me to do daily to acclimatize me to the movements that really aggravate my dizziness. Joy of joys. The only good thing about this mess (other than it possibly resolving the annoying dizziness I've been dealing with for 6 years) is that I've been strongly encouraged to seek out regular massage therapy. The thinking is that the tension in my back and neck (which the therapist said was so bad it was like I've been in a major car accident or something recently) is not helping the parasympathic nerves and such in that region of my bod and likely contributing to the dizziness.

Moving on, I went to a chorus party last night. Had a blast. It reminded me why I am in the group and why I want to sing with these women and devote my time to the chorus. And it made me wonder that perhaps my problems with the chorus is more in my attitude about how I handle it than in their attitudes. It made me guilty, sad, and leery all at once. Guilty to think that I was giving these women far less credit than they deserve. Sad because I might have missed out on more companionship with these fabulous women because of my own issues. And leery because what if it's not just me and I'm going to be wanting to leave the chorus after a few months again. But it was a great party and I'm really looking forward to the Director's Workshop next weekend. And I also realized that when I become a full-time writer, I do want to be very involved in Sweet Adelines. I don't know if I ever want to be in charge of a chorus, but an assistant director spot in a small chorus might be nice. So I'm going to stick this thing through and work on improving my own attitude about Monday night rehearsals.

As for writing, I've been working on the synopsis for the Colorado Gold writing contests. The next scene in Chapter 4 requires a bit of heavy thinking and creativity that I'm just not up to today. And I want to get the synopsis done soon so I can get my entry into the judges before they hit the 200 entrants mark. It'll be a neat way to hone my ideas about Human Dignity and see where I have spots I need to trim or flesh out. I've already decided that my dream sequence is probably going to get the axe. Which is too bad. It's a really cool dream, but I only use it as a device in Part One, I don't think it'll work in the other parts. And I think Part One will be stronger without it.

Monday, May 05, 2003

Blogger just ate my post detailing how my PT appt went (well, but no easy answers, as usual) and how writing went (didn't complete the marathon, but did write 2800 words). So I guess this will have to suffice.

Friday, May 02, 2003

Silly Me

Just realized that I've been saying 1000k words, when I really mean 1k words or 1000 words. I guess that's a throwback to my days of cutting and pasting DNA. We would always talk in terms of "kilobasepairs" and that would get abbreviated to kb. But often, just getting used to using "kb," we'd often scribble notes that said 1000kb when we really meant 1000bp. Memories. I better fix that. I don't want you guys to think I have the ability to write a million words in a day. But wouldn't that be nice? I did manage to write about 1100 words yesterday. Before the dizziness became unbearable and I had to take a dramamine. I was out cold by 8PM and slept until 6AM (I woke up when Mark crawled into bed at 1AM, but went right back to sleep). My Monday PT appointment won't come soon enough.

Thursday, May 01, 2003

More "Not Sure" on the Date

Just got another email about my brother's batallion. Still sounds like he'll be heading home at some point this month, whether by boat or plane is unknown. The good news is that he's now in southern Iraq at large base type operation where he gets to shower for maybe the first time since he left Kuwait. They also get outhouses for the first time since heading into Iraq. Oh, and hot meals, too. And he's finally been getting all his mail. And now he has access to a very pathetic exchange (think 7-11 with no more slushie stuff left and only days old hot dogs :)). And a phone (I hope he is able to call Christina soon). I hate to think of how thin my brother's got to be right now.

I did write yesterday. Got about 1100 words in Chapter 3. I don't know if I like the direction I'm teasing the plot into, or if it's just a matter of not being please with the writing. I'll keep chugging and see what it looks like on the rewrite (which I would love to start next week, if at all possible). This weekend is another marathon at FM. It would be nice if I could go crazy and finish most of Part 3 this weekend.