Tuesday, May 06, 2003


huOk, so the doctor and the physical therapist are both concerned enough that they want me to do an MRI to rule out some serious brain issues. The doctor assured me that it's highly unlikely that I've got the kind of problem an MRI would reveal (brain tumor, brain stem lesions), but...something about hearing your doctor say, "This is just to rule out the kind of stuff that would make you just keel over and die at any second" just doesn't leave you with a positive feeling. And in less than two weeks, I'll get to find out if I'm clautrophobic. I've never had any indications of that in the past, but I've also never been confined to a tube only slightly larger than myself. Fun! And I get to pay $100 for the experience. Yippee-skippee. And tonight I start the PT that the therapist asked me to do daily to acclimatize me to the movements that really aggravate my dizziness. Joy of joys. The only good thing about this mess (other than it possibly resolving the annoying dizziness I've been dealing with for 6 years) is that I've been strongly encouraged to seek out regular massage therapy. The thinking is that the tension in my back and neck (which the therapist said was so bad it was like I've been in a major car accident or something recently) is not helping the parasympathic nerves and such in that region of my bod and likely contributing to the dizziness.

Moving on, I went to a chorus party last night. Had a blast. It reminded me why I am in the group and why I want to sing with these women and devote my time to the chorus. And it made me wonder that perhaps my problems with the chorus is more in my attitude about how I handle it than in their attitudes. It made me guilty, sad, and leery all at once. Guilty to think that I was giving these women far less credit than they deserve. Sad because I might have missed out on more companionship with these fabulous women because of my own issues. And leery because what if it's not just me and I'm going to be wanting to leave the chorus after a few months again. But it was a great party and I'm really looking forward to the Director's Workshop next weekend. And I also realized that when I become a full-time writer, I do want to be very involved in Sweet Adelines. I don't know if I ever want to be in charge of a chorus, but an assistant director spot in a small chorus might be nice. So I'm going to stick this thing through and work on improving my own attitude about Monday night rehearsals.

As for writing, I've been working on the synopsis for the Colorado Gold writing contests. The next scene in Chapter 4 requires a bit of heavy thinking and creativity that I'm just not up to today. And I want to get the synopsis done soon so I can get my entry into the judges before they hit the 200 entrants mark. It'll be a neat way to hone my ideas about Human Dignity and see where I have spots I need to trim or flesh out. I've already decided that my dream sequence is probably going to get the axe. Which is too bad. It's a really cool dream, but I only use it as a device in Part One, I don't think it'll work in the other parts. And I think Part One will be stronger without it.

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