Tuesday, May 20, 2003

MRI Madness

Well, I was supposed to get an MRI last night. But I didn't. I was on the table, being slowly moved into the tube, and I watched the walls come sloping in toward me until they were just inches from my nose, and I went a little nuts. I'm not sure exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of, "Ok, No, no, no. Get me out. Get me out." Etc. The doc pulled me out of the tube and very calmly and humorously explained that I'd just suffered the usual severe claustrophobic response. His attitude put me at ease because it told me that I was by no means unique in this matter. But I was really upset and frustrated when he told me that I'd have to reschedule because he couldn't sedate me in time (and I don't think he was allowed to do that anyway because he's not my primary doctor - relatively new insurance company for me, not sure of the rules yet). In his experience, he said I'd have a snowball's chance in a heatwave (his words, not mine - I love these guys) to get the procedure done well considering my initial response. So he suggested I have the doc get me some good drugs and reschedule. And I did. Now the MRI is next Wednesday.

Other than discovering that I can add severe claustrophobia to my mild arachnophobia (always good to know these things about yourself), yesterday was just a terrible day. I was anticipating the MRI and snapping at everyone, including Mark. I had to take the rest of the day off after my PT appointment because I couldn't focus on my job and I certainly couldn't do things well. The best part about yesterday was my PT appointment. I like my therapist a lot. And she told me that she's more concerned with the possibility that a bone in my spine is pushing into my brain or upper spinal column (brain stem?) than with the possiblity that I have a tumor or whatnot. That was good to hear. The former is not one of those "fall over dead at any second" things. And it can be fixed - but the surgery for that would be about as fun as getting hit with an 18 wheeler. And there was much rejoicing. Yay.

Overall, I'm just really frustrated about having to wait another week to do the damn MRI and then another couple days to hear back on the results. Granted, I've waited for six years to get anywhere close to this point, but the dizzy episode that I'm living through right now has been going on since early March and just getting worse and worse. The stress of the unknown is certainly not helping. This is without a doubt the longest continual episode I've ever had and it's really pissing me off. I can't write as much as I want to. Work is really uncomfortable sometimes. I miss rehearsals and critiques because I'm just too worn out by the end of the day. And I can't seem to find anything that really helps. Just figure out what the hell is the problem and fix it already!

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