Gone...for Now

In this picture, I was trying to capture one of Drew's first real smiles. But the little stinker moved his hand at the last moment to block my shot. Since then, he's been a grinning fool and we've caught at least a dozen smiles. I still like this picture a lot because you can see the smile in his eyes and you know he's having a ball.

I miss seeing that smile so many times during the day. He grins and coos like mad on the changing table. He'll strike up a conversation after a good meal while he sits in my lap or in his bouncy chair. And he loves to look up at the mobile over his bassinet. The only smiles I can see on demand now are ones that are frozen in time. I have to wait until I pick him up or the weekend. I can't just walk over to him and see what he's doing, see if he'll give me one of his amazing grins. I miss that.

Gone for now are the lazy mornings, when Mark and I could babble with our son whenever he woke up because only one of us had to get ready for work. Gone for now are the Momma-and-Drew special times, working our way together through a day, one nap to the next, one feeding to the next. Gone for now are the days of the SciFi marathons and Food Network background noises that kept both Momma and Drew entertained as they went through their day. I know that I'll have mornings and evenings and weekends to fit as much of the above in as I can. And I know that one day, I'll get it all back. But I miss that smile and the coo or laugh that accompanies it. The chance to get a Drew Smile and Coo Special has been keeping me going, one hour to the next, one task after another, closer to the end of the day.

Instead of sobbing because I'm missing more smiles, I'm rather upbeat and chipper because I know what's waiting for me at 5PM. Such positive thinking is remarkably unlike me in such big life-changing times. Guess the Boy brings out the best in his parents.