Crazy things start to happen when I get into the middle of a book. I'll try to skip it and get to the end, or I'll get caught up in all the flaws of the previous material that I halt all progress, or I'll get mired in it.
For Human Dignity, I skipped the middle sections by, in essence, writing the beginnings and ends of three books--conveniently called "parts" in the novel. That is, I introduced the situation and characters and conflict, then I went right to climactic action and resolved it, with some dangly bits. End of Part One. Part Two began fifteen years later, so I had to re-introduce the situation and characters and conflict, then I went right to the climactic action and resolved it, with some dangly bits. End of Part Two. And so on. My most common critique of HD remarked on this feature, which was just my way of avoiding writing the middle of a book.
With The Masque, I had so totally re-envisioned the beginning of the book after I had written it that I didn't know how to keep writing without revising everything I had written, which I was going to do except I got pregnant. But I was stuck at the end of the beginning of the book for months, unable to really move forward because of all the flaws and my unimplemented ideas for fixing them. This was especially frustrating because I was unemployed for many of those months and had hoped to use that time to finish the draft or at least get damn near to finishing it.
Now, here I am in the middle of Shadow of Zehth, and I'm not skipping it or stuck, but I am mired in it. Every scene seems to stretch on longer than it should. Could be that's how my previous tendency to skip the middle is exerting itself this time. I don't know. The only thing I know is it's really making the middle seem even longer to get through. But I'm going to keep at it and see what things look like once I write my way through to the end. Maybe these scenes won't be overly long and drawn out, maybe they'll be the perfect pace and length once I can see the whole of the book, or even just the whole of the middle.
I wish I knew why middles gave me so much trouble. One of these days I'll put my mind to the dilemma and see what I can learn from it to grow as a writer and improve my process, but for right now, I'm stumped.
Showing posts with label Masque. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Masque. Show all posts
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Writing Status
It's been a while since I posted an update on my writing. The last you heard, I was buzzing over a great crit and perhaps letting my head swell with the possibilities. Since then, I've been revamping the first 15K or so of SoD, and I just started into the new stuff. My word count has increased, but I can't remember the exact total, so the sidebar's not updated as yet. It's somewhere around 23K, thanks to the new scenes I've added to the first bit I wrote and the new material I've just gotten to this week.
I'm really glad I went back and overhauled the first 17K I had written. The beginning is much stronger and actually introduces and emphasizes the correct threads. The following scenes got rid of the vague "we're sorta doing and saying what needs to be here, but don't ask us to get specific" writing that plagues the first 20K of my first drafts as I figure out just what the hell I've begun. I have a very clear sense of direction and purpose for writing the rest of the first act, a lot of the details of Acts 2 & 3 have revealed themselves, and the arcs of the characters over the course of the entire series are gelling a bit better for me.
I guess this means I've figured out something about my writing process. I can do a good amount of planning to get me going, but I'll probably still need to stop and go back over the first 20K to get a better foundation. This process may have to be repeated as I go through the book. I think this is what really tangled me up in The Maque. I thought I could keep moving forward, and that taking notes on the scenes I wanted to change, the plot threads I wanted to tweak or introduce, and the character arcs I wanted to adjust would be enough to address the evolving work. Not so. No matter how meticulous my notes on those changes were, I still tried to keep it all in my head so I could maintain a clear picture of what the previous parts of my book would one day look like to help me write the new stuff. Doesn't work for me. If I figure out how I need to change the stuff that's come before where I'm at, I will most likely need to go back and make those adjustments. I can't let go of it, because I need it to remind me what I have to do as I move forward. Too many balls to keep juggling.
Now I'm writing brand new stuff again. Like what I'm getting. I still hold out hope that I'll be able to get a lot closer to 60K by the end of the year, but as long as I don't gum myself up like I did for HD or The Masque, I'll be happy. Just keep things moving and flowing and the book will get finished.
I'm really glad I went back and overhauled the first 17K I had written. The beginning is much stronger and actually introduces and emphasizes the correct threads. The following scenes got rid of the vague "we're sorta doing and saying what needs to be here, but don't ask us to get specific" writing that plagues the first 20K of my first drafts as I figure out just what the hell I've begun. I have a very clear sense of direction and purpose for writing the rest of the first act, a lot of the details of Acts 2 & 3 have revealed themselves, and the arcs of the characters over the course of the entire series are gelling a bit better for me.
I guess this means I've figured out something about my writing process. I can do a good amount of planning to get me going, but I'll probably still need to stop and go back over the first 20K to get a better foundation. This process may have to be repeated as I go through the book. I think this is what really tangled me up in The Maque. I thought I could keep moving forward, and that taking notes on the scenes I wanted to change, the plot threads I wanted to tweak or introduce, and the character arcs I wanted to adjust would be enough to address the evolving work. Not so. No matter how meticulous my notes on those changes were, I still tried to keep it all in my head so I could maintain a clear picture of what the previous parts of my book would one day look like to help me write the new stuff. Doesn't work for me. If I figure out how I need to change the stuff that's come before where I'm at, I will most likely need to go back and make those adjustments. I can't let go of it, because I need it to remind me what I have to do as I move forward. Too many balls to keep juggling.
Now I'm writing brand new stuff again. Like what I'm getting. I still hold out hope that I'll be able to get a lot closer to 60K by the end of the year, but as long as I don't gum myself up like I did for HD or The Masque, I'll be happy. Just keep things moving and flowing and the book will get finished.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Writing Again
I think I managed to write a grand total of 1000 words during the months of February, March, April, and May. That is, 1000 new words in an actual draft of a novel or story. I did do a decent amount of pre-writing/worldbuilding for the on-line writing course I'm doing at Forward Motion. And we started writing the draft this month, so now I'm writing on a regular basis again. Unfortunately, right now I only have the time and energy to focus on Strings of Discord (note the new title, with a still unfortunate abbreviation of SoD), so I've had to put The Masque on hold for a bit. If I do work on another project while writing SoD, it will be Princess Incubus if only to finish a short story and see about entering it into a couple of contests.
SoD is going pretty darn well. The course has really allowed me to find a way to do a decent amount of plotting and such before I start writing without suffocating the organic writer in me. Before this book, I would sketch out some vague ideas of plot, characters, and world, and then I would just start writing and see where everything went, trusting that all the information I thought of for the book would be in my head whenever I needed it during the draft creation. A very difficult way to write, not efficient, and showed me some very, very nasty first drafts. Now I've found a way to document my ideas better, get Muse cranking out a few more details to keep me from wandering around for 20,000 words before I know where it is the book needs to go, and just in general keep me coherent and focused on the story at hand. But I still don't know too much about the story to make it boring to write. In short, I've found a way to be an organic writer with enough of the trappings of pre-planning and such to make me more efficient and (hopefully) more effective. Very exciting.
Plus, SoD has just been fun to work with. After three years of waiting for this story idea to shake loose from the death grip Muse had on it, I've got lots of information on this universe and series. Feels very good. Starting the book has been a bit rough, mainly because this is the first book in a seven-book series (I think), and I'm trying to lay a LOT of foundation without being overwhelming. But it's amazing to have such a clear sense of direction.
As for The Masque, part of the reason I decided to put it on hold for a bit is so I can go back and work with this project using what I learned from the writing course I'm taking. It's just a matter of difficult timing that I'll have to keep it on the backburner for a while. Once I get SoD really moving, I'll probably start finding ways to work in some worldbuilding and such for The Masque. It would be nice to get right back into writing that book as soon as I have a draft of SoD completed (the course is designed to give us about a year of draft creation).
And as for Human Dignity, I have finally decided to shelve it and let it revert to a fond place in my memory as a great first book that I learned a lot from. I know I could make it a saleable novel, but it would take a decent amount of energy and time that I certainly don't have now, and would rather put toward my current projects anyway. Maybe I'll revisit it a few years from now. But it needs to retire to a place of honor for the moment.
So that's the latest on my writing. I'll update the SoD wordcount every week, and I hope to get between 2000 to 3000 words a week, if not better for a while. My writing time will most likely take a marked hit come mid-September, and I want to have some nice padding built up so that I won't be struggling to make up missed words once things settle from uber insane to very insane after Andrew arrives.
SoD is going pretty darn well. The course has really allowed me to find a way to do a decent amount of plotting and such before I start writing without suffocating the organic writer in me. Before this book, I would sketch out some vague ideas of plot, characters, and world, and then I would just start writing and see where everything went, trusting that all the information I thought of for the book would be in my head whenever I needed it during the draft creation. A very difficult way to write, not efficient, and showed me some very, very nasty first drafts. Now I've found a way to document my ideas better, get Muse cranking out a few more details to keep me from wandering around for 20,000 words before I know where it is the book needs to go, and just in general keep me coherent and focused on the story at hand. But I still don't know too much about the story to make it boring to write. In short, I've found a way to be an organic writer with enough of the trappings of pre-planning and such to make me more efficient and (hopefully) more effective. Very exciting.
Plus, SoD has just been fun to work with. After three years of waiting for this story idea to shake loose from the death grip Muse had on it, I've got lots of information on this universe and series. Feels very good. Starting the book has been a bit rough, mainly because this is the first book in a seven-book series (I think), and I'm trying to lay a LOT of foundation without being overwhelming. But it's amazing to have such a clear sense of direction.
As for The Masque, part of the reason I decided to put it on hold for a bit is so I can go back and work with this project using what I learned from the writing course I'm taking. It's just a matter of difficult timing that I'll have to keep it on the backburner for a while. Once I get SoD really moving, I'll probably start finding ways to work in some worldbuilding and such for The Masque. It would be nice to get right back into writing that book as soon as I have a draft of SoD completed (the course is designed to give us about a year of draft creation).
And as for Human Dignity, I have finally decided to shelve it and let it revert to a fond place in my memory as a great first book that I learned a lot from. I know I could make it a saleable novel, but it would take a decent amount of energy and time that I certainly don't have now, and would rather put toward my current projects anyway. Maybe I'll revisit it a few years from now. But it needs to retire to a place of honor for the moment.
So that's the latest on my writing. I'll update the SoD wordcount every week, and I hope to get between 2000 to 3000 words a week, if not better for a while. My writing time will most likely take a marked hit come mid-September, and I want to have some nice padding built up so that I won't be struggling to make up missed words once things settle from uber insane to very insane after Andrew arrives.
Labels:
Human Dignity,
Masque,
short fiction,
Velorin,
writing
Monday, June 13, 2005
Writers & Ideas
Neil Gaiman recently posted an essay about the dreaded question writers get asked frequently: Where do you get your ideas? I don't find this question all that annoying--or at least not yet. Mainly because each one of my ideas has a bit of a fun story behind how it came to be something I wanted to write.
Human Dignity: Ethics class run amok, and I mean amok.
The Masque: Writing exercise supposed to get you thinking about the masks your character wears and what your character might do with a mask's annonymity; I chose to write about what a Masque Ball might look like in the future, and on Mars. Then other story ideas generated by a line of dialog and watching SG-1 sparked the rest of the Masque Universe.
Princess Incubus: Someone at a con read a story from the POV of a succubus's victim. I spent the entire time wondering what the story would sound like from the succubus's POV. Decided to write it.
Strings of Betrayal: While driving between Grand Teton and Yellowstone, I happened to look into a glade that was bordered by aspen and pine trees. I saw a vision of a ephemeral creature stand in front of the aspens and vanish into the darkness of the pines. I knew there was a story there, and I've spent the past three years hunting it down.
I love sharing these stories of how my ideas came to me. Mainly because then I get to relive those moments of discovery, those instances of "Wow, that's something I've GOT to write" or "There's something cool going on here, and I'm going to find out what". That first spark is amazing, and I don't think I'll ever reach the point where I won't be willing to share the story of how I got a particular idea. But if someone just wants a general idea of where all my ideas come from, I'd have to make some vague gesture to the world and my head. I don't get all my ideas from one central source, nor do they come at me in the same way. And I don't think I've ever expected I would for anything, not science, not singing, not writing, you name it. If I ever had to rely on one source for inspiration and motivation, yick. So I guess my advice to writers when faced with this question is to first ask, "Do you mean in general or for one story in particular?" Get the person asking to think about it a bit.
Human Dignity: Ethics class run amok, and I mean amok.
The Masque: Writing exercise supposed to get you thinking about the masks your character wears and what your character might do with a mask's annonymity; I chose to write about what a Masque Ball might look like in the future, and on Mars. Then other story ideas generated by a line of dialog and watching SG-1 sparked the rest of the Masque Universe.
Princess Incubus: Someone at a con read a story from the POV of a succubus's victim. I spent the entire time wondering what the story would sound like from the succubus's POV. Decided to write it.
Strings of Betrayal: While driving between Grand Teton and Yellowstone, I happened to look into a glade that was bordered by aspen and pine trees. I saw a vision of a ephemeral creature stand in front of the aspens and vanish into the darkness of the pines. I knew there was a story there, and I've spent the past three years hunting it down.
I love sharing these stories of how my ideas came to me. Mainly because then I get to relive those moments of discovery, those instances of "Wow, that's something I've GOT to write" or "There's something cool going on here, and I'm going to find out what". That first spark is amazing, and I don't think I'll ever reach the point where I won't be willing to share the story of how I got a particular idea. But if someone just wants a general idea of where all my ideas come from, I'd have to make some vague gesture to the world and my head. I don't get all my ideas from one central source, nor do they come at me in the same way. And I don't think I've ever expected I would for anything, not science, not singing, not writing, you name it. If I ever had to rely on one source for inspiration and motivation, yick. So I guess my advice to writers when faced with this question is to first ask, "Do you mean in general or for one story in particular?" Get the person asking to think about it a bit.
Labels:
Human Dignity,
Masque,
short fiction,
Velorin,
writing
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Writing Status
Writing. Writing writing writing writing. Even my revised goal of finishing a draft of The Masque before Baby's Big Day seems less and less likely. I'll be very happy if I can finish my "Princess Incubus" short and submit it to a writing contest before Baby's Big Day. As for the on-line writing course for Strings of Betrayal, I'm slowly but surely getting caught up after lagging two months behind. And I still can't make up my mind about the fate of Human Dignity.
The good news? I go to my crit group nearly every Tuesday (there are some Tuesdays where I need sleep more than I need writing comraderie). I am being mentored by a published author on a monthly basis, maybe twice a month after the insanity that is May passes the both of us by. And as soon as I get the OK about using the author's name, I'll share it and my experiences with our mentoring here. I participate in the Forward Motion Think Tanks fairly often. I blog as often as I am able--which, you'll note, seems to be more often. And, of course, rarely does a day pass that I don't think about my various projects and manage to jot a note here and there.
So writing is still a part of my life despite the vagaries of my job and my pregnancy. It's not occupying the part I'd like it to play, of course. But I'm dealing with that necessity a bit better each day. It's still going to frustrate me. And maybe I'll figure out a way not to let it bother me quite so much by the time Baby and Baby the Second are out of the house. By then I'm sure I'll have a host of new Issues to work on. :)
As I go through these thoughts on my writing and it's place in my life in the past, present, and future, I'm reading with interest Holly Lisle's struggle with her own writing future. She seems to have reached a point where she doesn't want to propose (sell) a book and then write it. She'd rather do what us amateurs have no choice but to do: write the book THEN sell it. I confess that I'd rather do things that way for the rest of my writing career, but that's mostly because I'm an organic writer and I discover the books as I write them. Makes it hard to sell a book before it's written. As I will be providing only supplemental income with my writing when I no longer have to deal with the Dreaded Day Job, I may be able to get away with writing books then selling them. We'll see.
And that's the writing status as of today. Primary goal is to finish and submit "Princess Incubus". Secondary goal is to finish a draft of The Masque. Of immediate concern is finishing up my last couple weeks of missed assignments for the on-line course.
The good news? I go to my crit group nearly every Tuesday (there are some Tuesdays where I need sleep more than I need writing comraderie). I am being mentored by a published author on a monthly basis, maybe twice a month after the insanity that is May passes the both of us by. And as soon as I get the OK about using the author's name, I'll share it and my experiences with our mentoring here. I participate in the Forward Motion Think Tanks fairly often. I blog as often as I am able--which, you'll note, seems to be more often. And, of course, rarely does a day pass that I don't think about my various projects and manage to jot a note here and there.
So writing is still a part of my life despite the vagaries of my job and my pregnancy. It's not occupying the part I'd like it to play, of course. But I'm dealing with that necessity a bit better each day. It's still going to frustrate me. And maybe I'll figure out a way not to let it bother me quite so much by the time Baby and Baby the Second are out of the house. By then I'm sure I'll have a host of new Issues to work on. :)
As I go through these thoughts on my writing and it's place in my life in the past, present, and future, I'm reading with interest Holly Lisle's struggle with her own writing future. She seems to have reached a point where she doesn't want to propose (sell) a book and then write it. She'd rather do what us amateurs have no choice but to do: write the book THEN sell it. I confess that I'd rather do things that way for the rest of my writing career, but that's mostly because I'm an organic writer and I discover the books as I write them. Makes it hard to sell a book before it's written. As I will be providing only supplemental income with my writing when I no longer have to deal with the Dreaded Day Job, I may be able to get away with writing books then selling them. We'll see.
And that's the writing status as of today. Primary goal is to finish and submit "Princess Incubus". Secondary goal is to finish a draft of The Masque. Of immediate concern is finishing up my last couple weeks of missed assignments for the on-line course.
Labels:
Human Dignity,
Masque,
short fiction,
Velorin,
writing
Sunday, January 23, 2005
Another Week Looms
OK, here it is. Another Sunday night. Ask Mark: this is usually the point where I go a little whacko thinking about how far away the next weekend is. Tears, anger, frustration, resigned silence, you name it. Nothing good. I was going to say that I started that before things got crazy at work, but that's a lie. Things have been crazy at work since mid-November when I found out that one of the temps was quitting because of my counterpart. And then people started getting fired and quitting. And then rumors sprang up like wildfire and no one's even trying to put them out. And then management got really fucking good at double-speak and chasing their tails. Yeah, downhill for a while. Here's hoping my resume is being considered at the places I've sent it.
But I didn't start this post in order to bitch about the Dreaded Day Job. I started this to talk about my great weekend. Yesterday, Mark and I had barely pulled ourselves out of bed when someone from my crit group called and asked me to go with her and another of our critters to a writing workshop down in a southern Denver suburb. All that was required of me was to help said person set up coffee and cookies. I said sure. We got there and set up in no time, only to have not even a dozen people show up for the RMFW business meeting scheduled for just before the workshop. Somehow I ended up being impromptu secretary for RMFW's shortest meeting ever. (The minutes are about three lines long.) And then we all went to lunch and chatted. The best part of that conversation was when someone said to me, "You're published, right?" Glad to know I look the part or present the impression of being published. Then we had the actual workshop given by Sharon Mignerey, all about how to deal with this crazy job description we writers have. At one point I asked a question (basically revealing again in front of fellow writers my personal psychotic perfectionist tendencies - more on this later), and got a free signed book out of it. Always nice.
And today I read that book for a bit, just relaxing and pretending that the Dreaded Day Job was just a demented figment of my imagination. Later I sat down with some brainstorming software and mapped out the status of my writing. It wasn't quite as cathartic as I had hoped, but it did help to get it all out of my head and visualize it. Then I mapped out all of my ideas for "Princess Incubus". Everything from the original inspiration to the research to the plot outline. All on one brainstorm map. It's a very busy map, but I like it. Again, nice to have it all in front of me, with clear deliniations of relationships and ideas.
Tomorrow night I hope to do some brainstorming for The Masque, or actually write some of "Princess Incubus". It'll depend on what, if anything, the day takes out of me. Still, I'm pleased with the weekend. It was a nice assertion that the Dreaded Day Job (aw, hell - I'm just gonna start calling it the DDJ from now on; the world never has enough acronyms) isn't who I am, it's just what I have to do at the moment.
But I didn't start this post in order to bitch about the Dreaded Day Job. I started this to talk about my great weekend. Yesterday, Mark and I had barely pulled ourselves out of bed when someone from my crit group called and asked me to go with her and another of our critters to a writing workshop down in a southern Denver suburb. All that was required of me was to help said person set up coffee and cookies. I said sure. We got there and set up in no time, only to have not even a dozen people show up for the RMFW business meeting scheduled for just before the workshop. Somehow I ended up being impromptu secretary for RMFW's shortest meeting ever. (The minutes are about three lines long.) And then we all went to lunch and chatted. The best part of that conversation was when someone said to me, "You're published, right?" Glad to know I look the part or present the impression of being published. Then we had the actual workshop given by Sharon Mignerey, all about how to deal with this crazy job description we writers have. At one point I asked a question (basically revealing again in front of fellow writers my personal psychotic perfectionist tendencies - more on this later), and got a free signed book out of it. Always nice.
And today I read that book for a bit, just relaxing and pretending that the Dreaded Day Job was just a demented figment of my imagination. Later I sat down with some brainstorming software and mapped out the status of my writing. It wasn't quite as cathartic as I had hoped, but it did help to get it all out of my head and visualize it. Then I mapped out all of my ideas for "Princess Incubus". Everything from the original inspiration to the research to the plot outline. All on one brainstorm map. It's a very busy map, but I like it. Again, nice to have it all in front of me, with clear deliniations of relationships and ideas.
Tomorrow night I hope to do some brainstorming for The Masque, or actually write some of "Princess Incubus". It'll depend on what, if anything, the day takes out of me. Still, I'm pleased with the weekend. It was a nice assertion that the Dreaded Day Job (aw, hell - I'm just gonna start calling it the DDJ from now on; the world never has enough acronyms) isn't who I am, it's just what I have to do at the moment.
Friday, January 21, 2005
On the Recent Silence
I could've also titled this post "Why I LOOOOVE My Job - Ha!" Why? Because I've been given new responsibilites. I just cut a few lines of a rant that threatened to go on forever; they were cut because a couple of people I work with know this link--not that I think they'd run and tell anybody what I said, but CYA.
Anyhoo, I've been insanely busy learning new software, attending training to get the basics of just what my company does in the first place, and general craziness revolving around new people in new positions (not me; pittance raise, but no promotion in sight; but things are so unstable at the moment, so who knows). The past two weeks, I've come home (usually a couple hours later than usual) and collapsed on the couch, sometimes having the energy to turn on the TV. Any free time at work is usually spent speed-reading my blog list and email to give me some sort of break from all the insanity. And lunch, what's that? But I think next week might start to settle a wee bit, so maybe I can get back to my usual sporadic blogging routine.
As for the writing.... Not going well. All the recent work upheaval has made my mind so unbelievably scattered. When I've tried to focus it on my writing--ANYTHING about my writing--it's like I'm trying to hold water in a collander. Just ain't happening. So I've taken to listening to writing-related music on my commutes and letting my mind slip-n-slide all over the place with writing. Sometimes a few thoughts will gather substance and stay put for a bit. I tend to put the songs that generate that on a repeat loop and let that substance build.
After briefly toying with the idea of going into work this weekend (and those of you who know me--at least since I left the PhD program--know that ordinarily the thought would never, not in a million years, not if I earned 100x my normal pay, ever cross my mind; THAT'S how bad things are getting at work), I've said an emphatic hell no and decided to do skitterish writing things as they pop up in my head. Brainstorm several ideas, converse with my characters here and there, work on "Princess Incubus", outline revision ideas for The Masque, whatever. I'm looking forward to it. And I finally bit the bullet and decided to have my crit group read HD and give me all the painful comments in June. So hopefully by the end of the year I'll have a final decision on that book's fate. :)
The short of it: Work Be Nuts, and it's messing up my writing in nasty ways. Next week's task will be to assess the ways I can remedy the situation (other than apply for other jobs, which I'm already doing).
Anyhoo, I've been insanely busy learning new software, attending training to get the basics of just what my company does in the first place, and general craziness revolving around new people in new positions (not me; pittance raise, but no promotion in sight; but things are so unstable at the moment, so who knows). The past two weeks, I've come home (usually a couple hours later than usual) and collapsed on the couch, sometimes having the energy to turn on the TV. Any free time at work is usually spent speed-reading my blog list and email to give me some sort of break from all the insanity. And lunch, what's that? But I think next week might start to settle a wee bit, so maybe I can get back to my usual sporadic blogging routine.
As for the writing.... Not going well. All the recent work upheaval has made my mind so unbelievably scattered. When I've tried to focus it on my writing--ANYTHING about my writing--it's like I'm trying to hold water in a collander. Just ain't happening. So I've taken to listening to writing-related music on my commutes and letting my mind slip-n-slide all over the place with writing. Sometimes a few thoughts will gather substance and stay put for a bit. I tend to put the songs that generate that on a repeat loop and let that substance build.
After briefly toying with the idea of going into work this weekend (and those of you who know me--at least since I left the PhD program--know that ordinarily the thought would never, not in a million years, not if I earned 100x my normal pay, ever cross my mind; THAT'S how bad things are getting at work), I've said an emphatic hell no and decided to do skitterish writing things as they pop up in my head. Brainstorm several ideas, converse with my characters here and there, work on "Princess Incubus", outline revision ideas for The Masque, whatever. I'm looking forward to it. And I finally bit the bullet and decided to have my crit group read HD and give me all the painful comments in June. So hopefully by the end of the year I'll have a final decision on that book's fate. :)
The short of it: Work Be Nuts, and it's messing up my writing in nasty ways. Next week's task will be to assess the ways I can remedy the situation (other than apply for other jobs, which I'm already doing).
Monday, January 10, 2005
Self-taught
Didn't get any writing done this weekend for The Masque. Basically, I had hit a chapter where I only had vague ideas of one or two things that needed to happen. I kept hoping that Muse would get her act together to give me at least a thousand words over the weekend, but no. So I used the time for other things. On Saturday, I read all the relevant bits of a book on Satan and his crew to finish up the research I wanted to do for "Princess Incubus". Got a few more ideas about that story, and I should be able to start oulining shortly. (Incidentally, I've marked this story with the status "in worldbuilding". That phrase as come to be my personal indicator for "pre-writing". Not sure why, just seems to make sense to me that way.)
I figured Sunday would certainly see a few bits of inspiration trickling from my fingertips, but no. I even tried to sit down and force just my questions and vague notions about the next chapter, but my thoughts kept sliding all over the place--to the point where I sat at my desk, pen poised, notebook open, and all I could think about was the chorus of a song I had just heard and it kept repeating for large chunks of time. I eventually got pretty pissed at this, so I put together a rather long playlist of good songs that strike me as appropriate for The Masque and the characters therein. I probably won't be able to write to it all the time as the songs, while good and relevant, can often distract me from the writing. Instead, the CDs will serve as driving music on my commute. I get a lot of good scene and idea sketching on that drive, even moreso with the right music.
But still my thoughts kept skittering away every time I tried to focus on them. I thought a movie might be nice, and "The Fifth Element" was on TBS. But I found that I couldn't even concentrate on the movie because of the regular commercial breaks. I got sick of this pretty quick and decided to trek over to WalMart and pick up stuff to teach myself how to crochet. My grandmother taught me--or at least tried to teach me--the basics a good fifteen or so years ago, but I never got into it then. And I've been wanting to learn for the past couple years so I can crochet while watching TV or movies that we've already seen. I picked up two little how-to booklets, the needles, some yarn, and a bigger cross-stitch hoop just in case I struggled too much with the new craft and wanted to go back to something more familiar. Then I put on our videocassette version of "The Fifth Element" and went to work.
My practice pieces are certainly nothing spectacular, but I've got the basic stitches down and enjoyed the learning a lot. My thoughts were still kind of skittery when it came to writing afterward, but at least they had settled with regard to every thing else. And then once we had dinner and settled into watching some "Simpsons" episodes...THAT'S when the writing ideas started clicking into place. And then they kept me up past midnight. That's my muse, though.
I figured Sunday would certainly see a few bits of inspiration trickling from my fingertips, but no. I even tried to sit down and force just my questions and vague notions about the next chapter, but my thoughts kept sliding all over the place--to the point where I sat at my desk, pen poised, notebook open, and all I could think about was the chorus of a song I had just heard and it kept repeating for large chunks of time. I eventually got pretty pissed at this, so I put together a rather long playlist of good songs that strike me as appropriate for The Masque and the characters therein. I probably won't be able to write to it all the time as the songs, while good and relevant, can often distract me from the writing. Instead, the CDs will serve as driving music on my commute. I get a lot of good scene and idea sketching on that drive, even moreso with the right music.
But still my thoughts kept skittering away every time I tried to focus on them. I thought a movie might be nice, and "The Fifth Element" was on TBS. But I found that I couldn't even concentrate on the movie because of the regular commercial breaks. I got sick of this pretty quick and decided to trek over to WalMart and pick up stuff to teach myself how to crochet. My grandmother taught me--or at least tried to teach me--the basics a good fifteen or so years ago, but I never got into it then. And I've been wanting to learn for the past couple years so I can crochet while watching TV or movies that we've already seen. I picked up two little how-to booklets, the needles, some yarn, and a bigger cross-stitch hoop just in case I struggled too much with the new craft and wanted to go back to something more familiar. Then I put on our videocassette version of "The Fifth Element" and went to work.
My practice pieces are certainly nothing spectacular, but I've got the basic stitches down and enjoyed the learning a lot. My thoughts were still kind of skittery when it came to writing afterward, but at least they had settled with regard to every thing else. And then once we had dinner and settled into watching some "Simpsons" episodes...THAT'S when the writing ideas started clicking into place. And then they kept me up past midnight. That's my muse, though.
Labels:
crafts,
Masque,
muse,
pop culture,
short fiction,
writing
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Goals for 2005
I've been able to sketch notes on this idea, but anytime I tried to sit down and actually craft a post or something on the topic, I just couldn't. My mind was remarkably blank on anything but the vaguest bullet-pointed list of goals. Hopefully I can force something out of myself on the subject.
Personal Goals: Get better and better at living in the moment instead of always looking ahead to "better days". Stick with the daily journaling and exercise--this took a bit of a hit during the holidays. Figure out how to make the job work for however long it takes until things change. That one's going to be the toughie.
Writing Goals: Implement a reward system for my writing. I've actually already started this. Since I started writing regularly, I've used guilt tactics more often than rewards to keep myself writing and writing well. No more. The rewards can be as simple as putting a better spin on the stuff that I want to / should do anyway. For example, if I can get a particular chapter finished during my writing time tonight (doable), then my reward will be to continue some background reading and plotting for my short story "Princess Incubus" (and I did figure out why that title works).
Finish, revise, and submit The Masque. I'm still basically on track to finish a draft by the Pikes Peak Writers Conference. Then I'm going to let it sit for about a month while I do other things (such as submit "Princess Incubus" to a few SF & F magazines, outline The Masque, Book 2, and continue work for an on-line writing course). I hope to revise it and have it ready to submit by the end of the year, hopefully sooner.
Stick with a two-year on-line writing course. I'm going to use the course to write Strings of Betrayal. The course started this week, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. I like the syllabus and format. I think I could learn a lot to further adjust my writing system to my liking. Plus, it would be great to finally start So'B moving.
And at some point this year, I should really decide what to do about Human Dignity. I'm also hoping to start some kind of formal mentoring program with a published author or two this year. Hopefully they can help me with my various dilemmas about this book.
So that's a more fleshed out version of my goals for 2005. My overall goal for this year will be "improvement". Last year was balance. Without balance, you can't improve because you're never sure which way is up. Now I'm sure.
Personal Goals: Get better and better at living in the moment instead of always looking ahead to "better days". Stick with the daily journaling and exercise--this took a bit of a hit during the holidays. Figure out how to make the job work for however long it takes until things change. That one's going to be the toughie.
Writing Goals: Implement a reward system for my writing. I've actually already started this. Since I started writing regularly, I've used guilt tactics more often than rewards to keep myself writing and writing well. No more. The rewards can be as simple as putting a better spin on the stuff that I want to / should do anyway. For example, if I can get a particular chapter finished during my writing time tonight (doable), then my reward will be to continue some background reading and plotting for my short story "Princess Incubus" (and I did figure out why that title works).
Finish, revise, and submit The Masque. I'm still basically on track to finish a draft by the Pikes Peak Writers Conference. Then I'm going to let it sit for about a month while I do other things (such as submit "Princess Incubus" to a few SF & F magazines, outline The Masque, Book 2, and continue work for an on-line writing course). I hope to revise it and have it ready to submit by the end of the year, hopefully sooner.
Stick with a two-year on-line writing course. I'm going to use the course to write Strings of Betrayal. The course started this week, and I'm really looking forward to the rest of it. I like the syllabus and format. I think I could learn a lot to further adjust my writing system to my liking. Plus, it would be great to finally start So'B moving.
And at some point this year, I should really decide what to do about Human Dignity. I'm also hoping to start some kind of formal mentoring program with a published author or two this year. Hopefully they can help me with my various dilemmas about this book.
So that's a more fleshed out version of my goals for 2005. My overall goal for this year will be "improvement". Last year was balance. Without balance, you can't improve because you're never sure which way is up. Now I'm sure.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Farewell, 2004
I've been blessed--in some odd way--to have had enough good things happen in any one year that I can never write off an entire year as bad no matter what icky things happened. Or maybe that's just a sure sign that I'll never be successful at pessimism. Take 2002. In that one year, I quit a PhD program and a teaching job and as a result shattered the self-image I had spent more than a decade cultivating. The situations surrounding both departures were not pleasant, and I spent a good deal of that year sobbing and trying to figure out just what in the hell I was going to do with myself for the rest of my life. But 2002 was not a bad year. Mark and I were married that year. That summer, I discovered my muse, found a critique group and several writing communities, and started seriously writing HD. Mark and I took two amazing trips that year, and I was able to build a fantasy world out of the beautiful parks we saw. I could never call 2002 a bad year.
I find myself looking at 2004 in the same way. I started this year with the realization that I was bored and heading toward depression each day I stayed at my secretarial job. My writing was suffering for it, and I was no closer to addressing the issues that made 2002 so life-altering. I decided to find a job that would still let me write but also keep me more engaged for forty hours every week. Good plan. Said plan was still in its infancy when I was laid off. Five months of unemployment while the hubby is in grad school do not a happy Kellie make. At first I thought that unemployment would be a great way for me to get my writing on the right track. Instead, those five months were essential for me to get myself on the right track. I learned so much about myself in those months, most importantly that the self-image I had shattered in 2002 was a false image to begin with. I found the culprits behind some personal demons and put together morning routines and rituals to help me stay true to myself and lessen the hold of those culprits and demons a little more every day. How can such a year be bad, even if I was unemployed for five months and am now facing yet another unstable work environment?
Also, I finished my first major revision of my first novel this year. I did a lot of research, outlining, and planning for a new novel that I'm nearly 30,000 words into. I went to my first science fiction convention and made some writerly connections. I submitted HD to about ten agents. I wrote an eight-page synopsis in a weekend that actually reads very well and submitted it and the first twenty pages of HD to a contest. I wrote two short stories (I guess they're technically novellettes) this summer, and they sparked a universe for The Masque. I created a comfortable and personalized writing space for myself. And, possibly my greatest accomplishment of 2004, I beat both Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy X-2. :)
2004 wasn't easy, but it wasn't bad, either. I started the year hoping to achieve balance in many ways: work and writing, play and writing, past and present and future. I spent the year tossing the dead weight that kept pulling me to the sides and depriving me of balance. I've still got a ways to go before I've got the kind of balance I dream about, but I'm solidly on my way there. It will happen.
2004 was a growing year, and those can never be bad.
I find myself looking at 2004 in the same way. I started this year with the realization that I was bored and heading toward depression each day I stayed at my secretarial job. My writing was suffering for it, and I was no closer to addressing the issues that made 2002 so life-altering. I decided to find a job that would still let me write but also keep me more engaged for forty hours every week. Good plan. Said plan was still in its infancy when I was laid off. Five months of unemployment while the hubby is in grad school do not a happy Kellie make. At first I thought that unemployment would be a great way for me to get my writing on the right track. Instead, those five months were essential for me to get myself on the right track. I learned so much about myself in those months, most importantly that the self-image I had shattered in 2002 was a false image to begin with. I found the culprits behind some personal demons and put together morning routines and rituals to help me stay true to myself and lessen the hold of those culprits and demons a little more every day. How can such a year be bad, even if I was unemployed for five months and am now facing yet another unstable work environment?
Also, I finished my first major revision of my first novel this year. I did a lot of research, outlining, and planning for a new novel that I'm nearly 30,000 words into. I went to my first science fiction convention and made some writerly connections. I submitted HD to about ten agents. I wrote an eight-page synopsis in a weekend that actually reads very well and submitted it and the first twenty pages of HD to a contest. I wrote two short stories (I guess they're technically novellettes) this summer, and they sparked a universe for The Masque. I created a comfortable and personalized writing space for myself. And, possibly my greatest accomplishment of 2004, I beat both Final Fantasy X and Final Fantasy X-2. :)
2004 wasn't easy, but it wasn't bad, either. I started the year hoping to achieve balance in many ways: work and writing, play and writing, past and present and future. I spent the year tossing the dead weight that kept pulling me to the sides and depriving me of balance. I've still got a ways to go before I've got the kind of balance I dream about, but I'm solidly on my way there. It will happen.
2004 was a growing year, and those can never be bad.
Monday, December 20, 2004
Ugh & Stuff
The company party was Friday night. Lots of fake smiles and laughter, and a few unsettling hints about that spiraling situation I mentioned earlier. The food was dry and gave both Mark and I some serious indigestion. It was so bad that poor Mark had to go to the store at 2AM to get Tums because we were out and both hurting. But the chocolate mousse desert was amazing. Incredibly rich, but delicious. Most of Saturday was lost in trying to recover from the ill effects of the party. I did get out and about, but that's another post. Then I woke up with the worst headache I've had in years on Sunday. And the damned thing wouldn't go away. I plunked myself on the couch, played video games, napped, and generally tried to pretend my head and my body weren't all that attached to each other. The Bastard Headache from Hell left its progeny to keep me company today. As they are baby headaches, it's much more survivable.
This morning saw amazing high winds on the drive in. I think they just now calmed down. I drive a road that has a lot of high plains prairie type sections of it and let me tell you how much crap blew all over the car this morning. Rocks, dirt, tumble weeds, bark, bubble wrap, you name it. My favorite was a rather large tumble weed that smacked into the car and then lodged itself under the passenger side mirror. It hung out with me for a good five miles or so. I had almost decided to name the thing when it blew away.
I did get some fun ideas for The Masque on Friday and Sunday, but I haven't had much of a chance to do anything with them other than jot them down in a notebook. I'm hoping to get some writing time today at work (more dialog sketching than anything else in order to finish up a scene that's been open for a while) and then it's on to a Big Action Chapter tonight. Peril on Mars in those space suit thingies. Someone dies, someone else dangles into a canyon. Yippeee!!!
This morning saw amazing high winds on the drive in. I think they just now calmed down. I drive a road that has a lot of high plains prairie type sections of it and let me tell you how much crap blew all over the car this morning. Rocks, dirt, tumble weeds, bark, bubble wrap, you name it. My favorite was a rather large tumble weed that smacked into the car and then lodged itself under the passenger side mirror. It hung out with me for a good five miles or so. I had almost decided to name the thing when it blew away.
I did get some fun ideas for The Masque on Friday and Sunday, but I haven't had much of a chance to do anything with them other than jot them down in a notebook. I'm hoping to get some writing time today at work (more dialog sketching than anything else in order to finish up a scene that's been open for a while) and then it's on to a Big Action Chapter tonight. Peril on Mars in those space suit thingies. Someone dies, someone else dangles into a canyon. Yippeee!!!
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Pardon the Silence
Before I get into the meat of why I've been quiet for almost a week THIS time, I'd like to share a completely random thought. I'm thinking about adjusting my blog a bit. Not the color scheme, or anything major, but the titles. "Experiments in Writing, Singing, and Blogging" has felt cumbersome since I first typed it, but I couldn't think of anything sufficiently witty or more original than "Kellie's Blog". Also, I'm not sure I like the format of post title and post being on the same playing field. Changing the former is difficult in that it requires friendly linkers to change their sidebars, and even more so in that it requires me to get creative (I know, and me a writer, whatever to do).
But back to task. My silence.
I'm still pretty freakin' afraid of my Writer Within. I thought I had analyzed it to death and dismemberment this summer. Apparently not. This fear is rather entertaining because it takes anything going askew in my life and puffs it up into Giant Writer's Block size, singing me songs of "everything would be fine if you didn't have to work and could just write full-time". It's a clever disguise of the real issue. It makes me think that I'm accepting the Writer Within and working with it because I'm just trying to get to that "full-time writer" status. Ingenious, devilish bastard. Meanwhile, all the moaning and wailing and gnashing of teeth about how Life Sucks and how Tomorrow Will Be Better conveniently keeps me from appreciating today and the energy, time, and passion I have to write at this moment (when not slaving away at the day job and dealing with boredom and stupidity there…. Oops, see how easy that was?).
I won't bother you with the details of how this fear tripped me up this time and how I figured out what it had done. Suffice to say, Mark will tell you that life with me is never boring and that I know how to fall off a horse (the writing, live-in-the-now horse, people) with great drama and flair. I will share an example of just devious this fear is, though. I got stalled out on my writing just over a week ago, telling myself that I was afraid of the revision process for this book, that I couldn't see the plot lines the way I wanted to, and that I needed to do some more outlining and research on revision before I'd feel comfortable with forward momentum on The Masque. See how that works? I cleverly diverted myself from my writing with other writing issues. Granted, those are things that need to be addressed, but not at the sacrifice of my regular writing schedule. Eventually I'll get smarter than this annoying fear, and it won't have this same power over me. That's the hope, anyway.
So hopefully posting will get back to the promise of regularity that last week offered. "Promise of regularity" is a rather disturbing phrase, isn't it?
But back to task. My silence.
I'm still pretty freakin' afraid of my Writer Within. I thought I had analyzed it to death and dismemberment this summer. Apparently not. This fear is rather entertaining because it takes anything going askew in my life and puffs it up into Giant Writer's Block size, singing me songs of "everything would be fine if you didn't have to work and could just write full-time". It's a clever disguise of the real issue. It makes me think that I'm accepting the Writer Within and working with it because I'm just trying to get to that "full-time writer" status. Ingenious, devilish bastard. Meanwhile, all the moaning and wailing and gnashing of teeth about how Life Sucks and how Tomorrow Will Be Better conveniently keeps me from appreciating today and the energy, time, and passion I have to write at this moment (when not slaving away at the day job and dealing with boredom and stupidity there…. Oops, see how easy that was?).
I won't bother you with the details of how this fear tripped me up this time and how I figured out what it had done. Suffice to say, Mark will tell you that life with me is never boring and that I know how to fall off a horse (the writing, live-in-the-now horse, people) with great drama and flair. I will share an example of just devious this fear is, though. I got stalled out on my writing just over a week ago, telling myself that I was afraid of the revision process for this book, that I couldn't see the plot lines the way I wanted to, and that I needed to do some more outlining and research on revision before I'd feel comfortable with forward momentum on The Masque. See how that works? I cleverly diverted myself from my writing with other writing issues. Granted, those are things that need to be addressed, but not at the sacrifice of my regular writing schedule. Eventually I'll get smarter than this annoying fear, and it won't have this same power over me. That's the hope, anyway.
So hopefully posting will get back to the promise of regularity that last week offered. "Promise of regularity" is a rather disturbing phrase, isn't it?
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Calendar Fun
In writing The Masque and even HD, I've been frustrated that I couldn't find an application to calculate what day of the week it was or would be at any given point of my book's timeline. I finally found one I like here. And this Mayan calendar calculator might be interesting for a few other ideas I've got. I'll have to let that stew in my head for a while. It's possible that if we dissolved all national borders and became a united world goverment and start living in space, on Mars, and in the Alpha Centauri system (as happens in The Masque) that our calendar might change. But I have no idea how, especially if the space- and non-Earthfaring life--not to mention the world government--is in its infancy. So I'm just going to stick with the calendar system we've got for now to prevent any unnecessary headaches.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
It's Better Than Zero
NaNoWriMo is officially over for me as the last time I had to write in November was last night. I made it to 12,092 words. While it feels good to have made progress (and pushed The Masque past the 20,000 word mark), I was hoping for a better showing. Granted, a few circumstances beyond my control really got in the way of the writing schedule I put together, and December isn't going to be much better with all that holiday stuff. But I think I can do at least 15,000 words before 2005 hits. My overall goal for this project is to have a draft and some sort of synopsis finished by the Pikes Peak Writers Conference in April. I'd like to pitch it to an editor and/or agent. I think it's got real selling potential, much more so than Human Dignity. I'm still thinking about shipping that one off to a couple more agents and also either Tor or Daw. I think Daw is the better house for that book, but I think Tor or Roc are best for the rest of my projects. Plus, there is a slight chance that my name is on a watchlist at Tor since I've worked with Teresa Nielsen Hayden before. That's a really big assumption to make. Hence my dilemma. I also keep wavering between just shoving HD in a really dark corner and giving it a thorough going over. It's an excellent first book, but it's very much a first book. And as I get further and further into The Masque, I'm realizing that the two are pretty darn similar, and The Masque is by far the better attempt, as a good second book ought to be. So the dilemma congeals further. If I send HD around more, and then want to send around The Masque by the end of 2005, is anyone going to be paying enough attention to wonder why I'm writing similar books? I mean, the books are different, but the inciting element and one of the key plot points is the discovery of illicit research being done on humans.
I'm really digressing here. That above paragraph kind of disintegrating into a blogging version of thinking out loud. At any rate, I'm very happy to have gotten 12,092 words down in November, even if it wasn't close to half of what I had challenged myself to do. And congrats to those who got to 50,000 and beyond. Maybe next year for me.
I'm really digressing here. That above paragraph kind of disintegrating into a blogging version of thinking out loud. At any rate, I'm very happy to have gotten 12,092 words down in November, even if it wasn't close to half of what I had challenged myself to do. And congrats to those who got to 50,000 and beyond. Maybe next year for me.
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Just In Case I Haven't Mentioned It Lately
I love my husband. He read what I've got of the draft of The Masque and came up with some amazing comments. Particularly insightful was the realization that my three main characters have three distinct qualities and that using words describing those qualities interchangably was a problem and made these unique voices blend into one, which is bad, bad, bad. So Deb is perceptive, and all words that are clearly related to perception and such will be reserved for her. Alex is determined and very much grounded in the here and now, so she gets words closely associated with that attitude. Lydia is exteremely intuitive, giving her the monopoly on those words. I'm not sure I would've ever picked up on such a clever way of keepig my characters distinct and separate. I'll pay better attention to character traits and be more discriminate with my vocabulary as necessary. This is such an awesome comment, one that really can help me bring my writing to another level. I'm still buzzing from it, and just had to make sure I had said again how grand my man is.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Argh
I've been slowly pulling a new draft of The Masque from my fingers for just over a week now. The cool thing is that a lot of characters and plot lines are just clicking into place. The bad news is that I'm trying to write the first chapter of a book that kicks of a millenium of story in this universe (not in one book, I'm not that cruel to my readers). So the first twenty pages are so thick with information, foreshadowing, and character introductions that reading a paragraph is enough to induce a headache. I've already got some ideas for fixing this issue, but I'm still waiting for a decent amount of inspiration to strike. All right, subconscious! Sit down with Muse and figure it out!
Monday, September 13, 2004
More Writing Progress
I figured out Friday night what was wrong with Part One of HD. The plot's driving the characters' actions instead of the other way around. And I had actions left over from the very first iteration of the novel (you know, the part that I wrote back in 2000). So I've rethought some of the action of Part One and made things a bit more energetic and understandable given the characters I set up in the first thirty pages. I still have to write all these changes, but it feels better knowing what was broken and knowing it's fixable.
As for the other projects, The Masque is now outlined through the first story arc (Act One, basically). Unfortunately the outline revealed that I still didn't have the specifics on my MC's research project and the baddies' research project. These are things I need to figure out. That's tonight's goal. I'm hoping to start writing actual new material for this book by the end of the week. Or at the beginning of next week, depending on how my HD revisions go this weekend.
Man, this is a lot to juggle. And in the back of my brain is the goals of writing the HD synopsis, getting four more queries out, submitting it to a writing contest, AND being finished with a draft of The Masque by the end of the year, no later than January 2005. Yipes! Maybe I need to rethink some of this. Especially because my intergalactic archaeologist story is refusing to go quietly into my "to be written later" room in my mind. And my fantasy trilogy, which starts out with Strings of Betrayal, is still lazily doing worldbuilding and outlining in my head. I don't think my muse has any control over these ideas any more. I can see her sitting in my head, tossing up her hands and saying, "YOU sort this out. I'm done."
As for the other projects, The Masque is now outlined through the first story arc (Act One, basically). Unfortunately the outline revealed that I still didn't have the specifics on my MC's research project and the baddies' research project. These are things I need to figure out. That's tonight's goal. I'm hoping to start writing actual new material for this book by the end of the week. Or at the beginning of next week, depending on how my HD revisions go this weekend.
Man, this is a lot to juggle. And in the back of my brain is the goals of writing the HD synopsis, getting four more queries out, submitting it to a writing contest, AND being finished with a draft of The Masque by the end of the year, no later than January 2005. Yipes! Maybe I need to rethink some of this. Especially because my intergalactic archaeologist story is refusing to go quietly into my "to be written later" room in my mind. And my fantasy trilogy, which starts out with Strings of Betrayal, is still lazily doing worldbuilding and outlining in my head. I don't think my muse has any control over these ideas any more. I can see her sitting in my head, tossing up her hands and saying, "YOU sort this out. I'm done."
Friday, September 10, 2004
The Status of Kellie's Writing
My, where to begin? Ah, yes.
< Cheesy Announcer > When last we left our Struggling Author, she had just won a great victory in finishing the [pause for dramatic effect] Human Dignity revisions! [musical riff of some sort] Now, our Daring Writer must face another harrowing battle in [pause for dramatic effect] Human Dignity revisions! [more dramatic music] But there's more! She also must juggle a new novel, several short stories and novelettes loosely related to this new novel, and a fourty-hour work week! [Dun-dun-duuuunnnnnnn] Will our Super Novelist survive? Tune in to this weekend's episode of [cue the echo-effect] Adventures in Kellie's Mind! < / Cheesy Announcer >
I finished the big, huge revisions to HD back in May (maybe even April? can't remember), and then I didn't write until July basically. When I did start writing again, I played around with a couple of short story/novelette ideas that turned out to be a millenia in the future after the events of The Masque. That came to about 120 pages of writing--all for fun, basically. Or maybe not. The Masque's universe is growing and developing and making room for sequels and prequels and a series of short stories that could actually become another novel, etc. In fact, I'm working on story as a gift to Mark for our second anniversary next month. Without intending it to, this story wormed its way into this universe quite nicely. So who knows where this could lead? The other big thing I accomplished this summer was to swing back and forth about the amount of research I needed to do before I got back into writing The Masque. Lots of seesawing. A few nights ago, I finally got sick of the waffling and just decided to start writing the draft again. I had put together a better concept of plot and characters over the summer as well, so I did a lot of background work that doesn't feel like writing but is necessary to the writing.
And, as I mentioned above, I am also trying to get back into Human Dignity revisions. Nothing nearly as extensive as what I finished a few months ago, praise Heaven. But enough to make me scratch my head and wonder just what the heck I can do to fix something that I wrote two years ago and looks it. (I'm eager to write a draft in only a few months sometime soon so I can see the novelty of a book that's written in basically all the same style and at the same level. Writing a book over--egad--four years makes for some frightening variability in the reading experience, for the Intrepid Revisor at least. I'm trying to stick a fork in this sucker so I can have even more mental energy for my other projects. HD needs to be only in the "seeking representation and/or publication" mode and that mode only by the end of the year.
But the biggest issue right now is how to be a writer and survive in a 9-5 job that, naturally, takes a big chunk of time away from my writing. And the very nature of my muse and my big breakthroughs in my identity this summer is causing problems here. For example, I'm already trying to juggle writing a draft of The Masque with finishing up HD for good AND playing around with shorter ideas in The Masque's universe. Add to that the joys of two other projects yelling to get attention and things get hairy. Also add to that the perils of breaking down a block in a particular story in the middle of a workday or workweek when I can't spend four hours writing in celebration of breaking said block, and Issues arise. It's all a work in progress, though, and I'm determined not to let months pass in which I don't write, as was the case when I worked at IBM.
And that's the deal with my writing at the moment. I think I managed to get everything in there. Feel free to comment if you want even more gorey details. :)
< Cheesy Announcer > When last we left our Struggling Author, she had just won a great victory in finishing the [pause for dramatic effect] Human Dignity revisions! [musical riff of some sort] Now, our Daring Writer must face another harrowing battle in [pause for dramatic effect] Human Dignity revisions! [more dramatic music] But there's more! She also must juggle a new novel, several short stories and novelettes loosely related to this new novel, and a fourty-hour work week! [Dun-dun-duuuunnnnnnn] Will our Super Novelist survive? Tune in to this weekend's episode of [cue the echo-effect] Adventures in Kellie's Mind! < / Cheesy Announcer >
I finished the big, huge revisions to HD back in May (maybe even April? can't remember), and then I didn't write until July basically. When I did start writing again, I played around with a couple of short story/novelette ideas that turned out to be a millenia in the future after the events of The Masque. That came to about 120 pages of writing--all for fun, basically. Or maybe not. The Masque's universe is growing and developing and making room for sequels and prequels and a series of short stories that could actually become another novel, etc. In fact, I'm working on story as a gift to Mark for our second anniversary next month. Without intending it to, this story wormed its way into this universe quite nicely. So who knows where this could lead? The other big thing I accomplished this summer was to swing back and forth about the amount of research I needed to do before I got back into writing The Masque. Lots of seesawing. A few nights ago, I finally got sick of the waffling and just decided to start writing the draft again. I had put together a better concept of plot and characters over the summer as well, so I did a lot of background work that doesn't feel like writing but is necessary to the writing.
And, as I mentioned above, I am also trying to get back into Human Dignity revisions. Nothing nearly as extensive as what I finished a few months ago, praise Heaven. But enough to make me scratch my head and wonder just what the heck I can do to fix something that I wrote two years ago and looks it. (I'm eager to write a draft in only a few months sometime soon so I can see the novelty of a book that's written in basically all the same style and at the same level. Writing a book over--egad--four years makes for some frightening variability in the reading experience, for the Intrepid Revisor at least. I'm trying to stick a fork in this sucker so I can have even more mental energy for my other projects. HD needs to be only in the "seeking representation and/or publication" mode and that mode only by the end of the year.
But the biggest issue right now is how to be a writer and survive in a 9-5 job that, naturally, takes a big chunk of time away from my writing. And the very nature of my muse and my big breakthroughs in my identity this summer is causing problems here. For example, I'm already trying to juggle writing a draft of The Masque with finishing up HD for good AND playing around with shorter ideas in The Masque's universe. Add to that the joys of two other projects yelling to get attention and things get hairy. Also add to that the perils of breaking down a block in a particular story in the middle of a workday or workweek when I can't spend four hours writing in celebration of breaking said block, and Issues arise. It's all a work in progress, though, and I'm determined not to let months pass in which I don't write, as was the case when I worked at IBM.
And that's the deal with my writing at the moment. I think I managed to get everything in there. Feel free to comment if you want even more gorey details. :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Looking Back
Five months ago, I suffered through my last day at a job that bored me, drained me, and held me back from all the things that I had actually kept the job in order to have time to do. Five months ago, I drove away from IBM Boulder and remembered the irony in how I used to drive by the complex every day on my way to class at CU and think, "I'm glad I'll never have to work in a place like that." Five months ago, I left Corporate America and was damn glad to do so. Tomorrow I'll walk into a job that actually has potential for growth. Tomorrow I'll walk into a job armed with a writing schedule and a couple projects already rolling to defend my writing against what happened at the last job. Tomorrow I'll put the past five months of learning to the test and see how to go about working and living with the knowledge I've gained about myself and my writing. But before I do so, it seemed appropriate to reflect a bit on my unemployment.
April started out great. I was actually happy to have been laid off as I was able to get the hell away from a bad job without having a new bad job lined up and still bring in money. I was ready to write the month away. To finish up all those Human Dignity revisions that I'd been slogging through. To do all the research I wanted for The Masque so I could start writing that project again. I was energized and refreshed, walking every day, taking care of myself and ready for about a month or two of trying to find another job. Then I encountered The Peaches, and all of that energy vanished. The depression I had been flirting with ever since I decided against my original career plan descended with nasty hooked claws. And I had no job to occupy 40 hours of every week and keep me well and distracted from all the nasty issues that depression demanded I face. However, I was able to keep myself busy enough by finishing up Human Dignity by the end of April.
May and June is a bit of a blur to me. I didn't do a thing those months. I ignored my writing, I ignored my depression, and I buried myself in fun books and video games to drown out the sounds of my pain. The worst part about May and most of June was that I knew full well what I was doing. And I did it anyway. I didn't know how to go about dealing with the myriad issues that had been piling up since I sat down one November afternoon in 2001 and said, "You know, I really don't want a career in academic research." Not only did I not know how, but I got the sense that these issues went to the core of who I was, how I had adapted to this world--and who wants to sit down and get into that?
In July, after an afternoon spent weeping because I kept getting pounded by a particularly challenging boss in Final Fantasy X-2, I started to get serious about fixing me. Went to a therapist, got some good books to read, started to piece together a lot of things. I even began to write regularly again. Granted, it wasn't on The Masque, but I settled that issue by expanding the universe The Masque exists in and carrying it far into the future for a whole series of short stories/novelettes. And no matter what I was working on, I felt the joy of actually writing again. I finished two of those novelletes (or, rather, finished one and wrote all but the last scene of the other) and started developing a whole cast of characters and really got into the idea of cultural and historical development of the two nations in conflict in the series. It was great. I was starting to chip away at all the blocks I had put up to keep me from seeing what I needed to fix. It was an exciting month.
August, however, was not so thrilling. All those blocks were down and I was faced with a lot of harsh truths in my life, stretching all the way back to when I was 8. In the month of August, I had to examine me and build me up at the same time. It's not a pretty sight to realize you've been systematically excising a part of who you are for nearly twenty years. But I faced it, and faced it, and faced it, even when it kept getting harder and harder and harder. And then last week, the last of all my illusions was brutally yanked away. It's been a long time since I've cried as hard as I did last Tuesday and Wednesday. By Wednesday evening, I felt calm and relaxed, ready to start living the life I wanted to live--writing, no matter what 9-5 job I had to take to keep money coming in. Then I got a job offer Thursday morning, and I saw the pattern of the past five months. April to August was an incredible journey for me. Each step was necessary, each tear, each pain, each joy, each moment.
And to further cap off the past five months, to put that final conclusion on everything I've been through, I got 100% completion for Final Fantasy X-2 last night and was able to see the "Perfect Ending" I've been aiming for since I started the game back in May. Things do fall into place in mysterious ways.... :)
April started out great. I was actually happy to have been laid off as I was able to get the hell away from a bad job without having a new bad job lined up and still bring in money. I was ready to write the month away. To finish up all those Human Dignity revisions that I'd been slogging through. To do all the research I wanted for The Masque so I could start writing that project again. I was energized and refreshed, walking every day, taking care of myself and ready for about a month or two of trying to find another job. Then I encountered The Peaches, and all of that energy vanished. The depression I had been flirting with ever since I decided against my original career plan descended with nasty hooked claws. And I had no job to occupy 40 hours of every week and keep me well and distracted from all the nasty issues that depression demanded I face. However, I was able to keep myself busy enough by finishing up Human Dignity by the end of April.
May and June is a bit of a blur to me. I didn't do a thing those months. I ignored my writing, I ignored my depression, and I buried myself in fun books and video games to drown out the sounds of my pain. The worst part about May and most of June was that I knew full well what I was doing. And I did it anyway. I didn't know how to go about dealing with the myriad issues that had been piling up since I sat down one November afternoon in 2001 and said, "You know, I really don't want a career in academic research." Not only did I not know how, but I got the sense that these issues went to the core of who I was, how I had adapted to this world--and who wants to sit down and get into that?
In July, after an afternoon spent weeping because I kept getting pounded by a particularly challenging boss in Final Fantasy X-2, I started to get serious about fixing me. Went to a therapist, got some good books to read, started to piece together a lot of things. I even began to write regularly again. Granted, it wasn't on The Masque, but I settled that issue by expanding the universe The Masque exists in and carrying it far into the future for a whole series of short stories/novelettes. And no matter what I was working on, I felt the joy of actually writing again. I finished two of those novelletes (or, rather, finished one and wrote all but the last scene of the other) and started developing a whole cast of characters and really got into the idea of cultural and historical development of the two nations in conflict in the series. It was great. I was starting to chip away at all the blocks I had put up to keep me from seeing what I needed to fix. It was an exciting month.
August, however, was not so thrilling. All those blocks were down and I was faced with a lot of harsh truths in my life, stretching all the way back to when I was 8. In the month of August, I had to examine me and build me up at the same time. It's not a pretty sight to realize you've been systematically excising a part of who you are for nearly twenty years. But I faced it, and faced it, and faced it, even when it kept getting harder and harder and harder. And then last week, the last of all my illusions was brutally yanked away. It's been a long time since I've cried as hard as I did last Tuesday and Wednesday. By Wednesday evening, I felt calm and relaxed, ready to start living the life I wanted to live--writing, no matter what 9-5 job I had to take to keep money coming in. Then I got a job offer Thursday morning, and I saw the pattern of the past five months. April to August was an incredible journey for me. Each step was necessary, each tear, each pain, each joy, each moment.
And to further cap off the past five months, to put that final conclusion on everything I've been through, I got 100% completion for Final Fantasy X-2 last night and was able to see the "Perfect Ending" I've been aiming for since I started the game back in May. Things do fall into place in mysterious ways.... :)
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Catching Up
Another month gone by. I suppose I should get serious about posting regularly again. It's just crazy how little there is to say when you're not in a workplace 40 hours a week. Plus, I'm far too busy watching Stargate SG-1 in the mornings and then writing in the afternoons to putter around on the web. :)
Yes, now that I've managed to get rid of my Victoria's Secret and Bath&Body Works credit cards, I've discovered the joys of the Best Buy credit card. Last weekend I rustled up seasons 3, 5, & 6 of SG-1 on DVD. So I've gotten into the habit of watching an episode or five after my morning workout. The good thing about that is the story ideas this show generates. Not novel story ideas. Short story ideas. In fact, I'm working on one now (although, it's about 10,000 words, so it's technically a "novelette"). I write these stories for about two hours, take a walk, and then I sit down and work on research for The Masque.
Or sometimes I'll read instead of gluing myself to the couch. In fact, I managed to read a few books I forgot to list as my June reading: On Basilisk Station and Honor of the Queen by David Weber, and A Thousand Words for Stranger by Julie E Czerneda. But I'm starting to slow my reading down now that my writing's kicked back into gear.
Yeah, I think I've finally gotten the hang of dealing with myself while unemployed. But there's a part of me that hopes by saying I've got the hang of it that I will trigger God's Wit and land myself a job in a few days.
Yes, now that I've managed to get rid of my Victoria's Secret and Bath&Body Works credit cards, I've discovered the joys of the Best Buy credit card. Last weekend I rustled up seasons 3, 5, & 6 of SG-1 on DVD. So I've gotten into the habit of watching an episode or five after my morning workout. The good thing about that is the story ideas this show generates. Not novel story ideas. Short story ideas. In fact, I'm working on one now (although, it's about 10,000 words, so it's technically a "novelette"). I write these stories for about two hours, take a walk, and then I sit down and work on research for The Masque.
Or sometimes I'll read instead of gluing myself to the couch. In fact, I managed to read a few books I forgot to list as my June reading: On Basilisk Station and Honor of the Queen by David Weber, and A Thousand Words for Stranger by Julie E Czerneda. But I'm starting to slow my reading down now that my writing's kicked back into gear.
Yeah, I think I've finally gotten the hang of dealing with myself while unemployed. But there's a part of me that hopes by saying I've got the hang of it that I will trigger God's Wit and land myself a job in a few days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
