Updates

I've updated my sidebar. I had updated it not too long ago, but it needed it again. Mainly due to my epiphany about romance. I don't want to write it. Not as strict romance genre novels. I'll have romantic subplots in my books, and love is apt to be a thematic element in most of my books. But I don't want to write romantic suspense or historical romance or whatever. It took me a year to realize that it wasn't my cup of tea. However, the original love story behind Red Rocks will have to be written. There's just no question. It's too good. I'll just have to supplant it into one of my science fiction ideas. Or fantasy ideas.

This means I have 30,000 + words of a novel I will never finish as such. I'll take a deep breath and get over it. I hope.

As for the rest of my writing, I've mapped out what I hope to do with it this year. I'm finishing Human Dignity by the end of February. I'll allow a final readthrough to take me until March, but that's it. I'm not one for strict deadlines, but I'm getting sick of lingering. I also have a list of five agents I hope to query this year - barring a very long response time from one of them, or an acceptance. For The Masque, I've decided that this definitely a novel, and it's the next one in the que. For Strings of Betrayal, I really want to finish worldbuilding for it this year. And keep playing around with a few scenes and characters to get familiar with the world. I'm hoping to write it next year.

Overall, I want to devote more time to my writing, take it more seriously, stop being so easy on myself (meaning it's too easy for me to give in to a little bit of frustration and go off and be lazy on the couch instead of write my way through an issue).

Everything is updated, the goals are stated (in several places), the attitude feels better, 2004 awaits.

Where's My Routine?

Big changes always flip me upside down, shake the loose change and lint out of my pockets, and then steal my shoes for good measure. Just look at my blogging count for the month of October. Not good. But I think I may be getting back on track. I stumbled onto a routine that worked yesterday. I don't know if I'll be able to make it work again. But it made for a good day yesterday: Play video games; write 1300 words in neat short story idea while taking occasional breaks to play video games; revise fifty pages of Human Dignity. The really good news about Sunday's fun schedule is that it reminded me just how much I love to write. I think the key was to write a decent amount on a fun idea that I'm just playing with. That really got me warmed up and eager to revise HD.

And it also paved the way to re-energize me for Red Rocks. I haven't even opened that file since August. But this morning in the car I heard Rich and Kath's theme song on the radio not once but twice. "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down. Amazing song. And perfect for them. Hearing that song made me realize that I have to write their story. It's going to take me three books, but I'm going to get it.

The other thing that may have helped this renewed sense of enthusiasm for my writing may be my decision to leave my chorus. Hopefully this total refocusing of creative energy will become part of my routine and one that I can sustain.

Writing Goals

OK, so Tuesday was the first day in nearly a month that I had written anything in either Human Dignity or Red Rocks. I'm not sure why I took this hiatus. It guess it felt like I needed it. The good news: I've got really good ideas for making HD tighter and better. The bad news: those really good ideas necessitate me restarting the revision process. Not wholly a bad thing. I just seem to keep holding myself back. So I'm trying to revamp my writing attitude by detailing my writing goals and my life goals. It's funny, I always know what they are, but I keep them in my head. I've heard that putting things into writing makes them more real, more tangible, more attainable. So that's what I'm going to spend some time on tonight. And hope that lights a fire under me for starting up on HD again tomorrow.

A Treat

Because my brain still seems fried when it comes to writing (except for those daily exercises, of course), I decided to take a break last night instead of revising Human Dignity. So we rented The Two Towers and Chicago. We watched TTT last night and are now salivating over both the extended version due out in November and the last of the movies out in December. We'll watch Chicago tomorrow morning instead of our usual Discovery Channel shows. That'll be a nice way for me to wake up and get going on those revisions. I had promised myself that I would have HD done by the conference, and I mean to stick with that. I won't be close to a completed draft of Red Rocks (barring sudden success in the writing block department), but I should be able to draw up some kind of synopsis/proposal for it. And I want to write three chapters of Strings of Betrayal and a synopsis/proposal for that as well. That will be more difficult. Not the chapters, but the synopsis. I actually already have one of the first chapters written, and a good idea for another. So I won't be as far along on my projects as I had hoped, but it will still be a good listing of progress for my agent/editor one-on-one (I don't find out who I'll get 15 exclusive minutes with until I actually sign in at the conference).

And I think I'm going to spend the rest of the workday outlining and typing my classes for Forward Motion. I'll be doing a little bulletin board style lecture series on what things are really like in a bio/chem lab. I figure that'll be a nice way to ease back into teaching, too. Something very light. The idea of teaching a live class still causes a slight twitch. I wish I knew why I reacted to that job the way I did....

Stuck in the Middle

Anyone who's read the first draft of Human Dignity can tell you that I have a problem with middles. The problem being that I tend not to write them. About as soon as all the tension, mystery, and fun introductory hijinks of the beginning ends, I make a bee-line for the tension, mystery, and fun conclusionary hijinks of the end. I may be kind enough to provide a transition of sorts (usually in the shape of a heading that indicates six months have passed, or in a couple paragraphs of "here's what you missed last week" scattered throughout the beginning of the end). It wasn't too much of a problem with Part One of HD, but Part Two has suffered greatly from this issue. I have at least fifty pages of transition and "middle" material to write fresh. And I've got ideas for it. I think it will work out well.

But I just realized that I'm pretty much smack in the middle of Red Rocks. And that's why I'm bored. I want to get to the end. I want to start writing the intense face-offs, the cliffhanger moments, the heart-gripping decisions. There's a part of me that's very tempted to put in a filler of "some time passes" and then keep writing. But it's really not going to help my overall skill in the craft if I do that. And I promised to challenge myself always when I decided to devote my life to writing.

So now I'm faced with forcing myself to buckle down and write a middle. I have to ignore the esteem-grabbing perfectionist critic in me and come up with at least a vague outline of a few middle scenes that can in some way, shape, or form get me to the ending. And then I just have to write them. Easy, right?

Revising, Worldbuilding, and an Attempt at Something New

I'm in the middle of Red Rocks, and it's starting to bore me a little. So I'm going to take a break from writing the new stuff today and see if that will help me figure out how to inject some more fun into that project. So today will be a mega Human Dignity revising day with forays into worldbuilding Velorin. I also started playing around with a short story idea last night. It's something that stuck in my head Thursday evening from a writing exercise prompt at Forward Motion. Turns out I even mis-read the prompt. I thought it read that you were listening to the ship's self-destruct sequence and it suddenly stopped at 6 - write about why. But it was supposed to be a prompt that you were listening to the ship's launch sequence and it suddenly stopped at 6. It was too late, though. The story idea based on a ship about to be destroyed stuck with me. And I finally agreed to start writing it and see where it took me last night. I've even written it in first person, another extremely new thing for me. I figured I might as well make my first experiment with the short-story world really different from my novels. So I may not write all that many new words Red Rocks this weekend, but I'm still going to get a lot done.

Writing

Chugging right along. I haven't written as much in Red Rocks as I had hoped to by now, but it's still coming right along. About 27,000 words. I revised another 60 pages of Human Dignity last night. I would've finished going through Part One, but someone decided it would be fun to repeatedly bang a sledgehammer against my sinuses. So I went to bed a little early. And Velorin worldbuilding is progressing rather well. I increased my language vocabulary, came up with some planetary mechanics (see yesterday's post), and started writing the backstory of my prime baddie. She's a fun one.

I've realized through these three projects that I'm very much an organic writer. (Gah, I hate how the word "organic" has been tossed around without any real idea as to what it means.) But, near as I can tell, being an organic writer means that you don't do a whole lot of planning. You just kind of start writing an idea and see where it takes you. I do plan, outline, research, and sketch a little before I start writing something, but it's very basic compared to what most people do. For example, I have the basic plot of Red Rocks sketched somewhere in the notebook devoted to this project. But I have no real idea how I'm going to get there. My characters have been doing a great job of keeping me in the loop as I write. But they're not telling me everything. Especially those damn heroes. The villains can't help themselves and blab motivations and plot twists that the rest of the group would berate them for if they ever found out somebody was spilling the beans. I would love to be in on my characters' secret meetings. Where they all get together and decide who's going to do what, who loves who, who hates who, who really just wants to be left alone, and so on. But they find a nice quiet corner of my brain (didn't know I had one), set up a wall of blankets, pin on a poorly written sign (secrut metin: no writurs), and make someone stand guard in case I stumble onto what they're doing. The guard's really good, too. He usually distracts me by saying, "Kellie, look at that fascinating new story idea over there!" And off I go. I wonder if my muse is in on this too. Or if she's just as pissed at my characters and sneaks into their meetings complaining about all the extra work they're making her do.

This organic writer business is going to be a problem. I was hoping to write a proposal of Strings of Betrayal for a possible submission to Luna by mid-September (end of the year at the latest - do you like how I just flexed that personal deadline?). But writing a proposal requires that I know a lot more about a project than I usually do before I start writing. Like, I don't know, how the book's going to end, what the characters are going to do. I really need to have a chat with my muse and characters. Some things have got to change.

So Tired

Ugh, it's going to be one of those Mondays. I slept on my shoulder wrong, I had a bad dream about my cat choking on pennies and needing CPR (I have never claimed to accept responsibility for what my subconcious spits out at night), and I'm ready for a four hour nap. So, ugh. I'm supposed to do some worldbuilding today, but coherent thought is difficult (I'm really surprised I can even write this). On the plus side, I have now gone through my entire music collection and ripped the songs I wanted for my Media Player Library. And I wrote 1800 words yesterday in Red Rocks. Next week, Mark will be out of town at a conference, and I plan to get a lot of writing and revising done then. Well, I won't have much of a choice, seeing as how I don't sleep well at all when Mark's not here. Better to get something done than stare at the ceiling until exhaustion kicks in. Damn, I'm really tired. I started salivating at the idea of just laying in bed.

Milestone

I broke the 20,000 word barrier in Red Rocks today. I'm still not comfortable writing in my hero's POV. I keep trying on different attitudes with him. It's interesting, to say the least. I'm just excited that it's coming along so well. It took me over two years to break 20,000 words in Human Dignity. I'm feeling pretty happy.

If James Bond Were a Woman

He'd be Lara Croft. Elegant, sophisticated, British, and knows how to kick some serious ass. And she's got men hanging all over her. Of course, unlike 007, Lara doesn't hop into bed as soon as the interested party says to. She's a bit deeper than that. And, after "Die Another Day," maybe James is, too (although I really have my doubts because a hot spy in a monogamous or even thoughtful relationship doesn't seem to sell). But I must say I was surprised that they even tried it in Tomb Raider. And it worked. Who knew that an action movie would have an ending that would just rip your heart out and stomp on it, Akido chop it, dump it in acid, empty a pistol into it, and then stab it for good measure (hey, it's an action movie)? And it worked?? This is one to buy on DVD. Maybe I dug it so much because I felt echoes of the ending in my Red Rocks trilogy. And the soundtrack rocks. A couple songs are boring and/or repetitive. But it really is amazing for the most part. Especially the last three songs. The score for the ending packs a punch, too, and just makes your heart clench. It's like the "Forth Eorlingas" track on the TT soundtrack. Always brings a tear to my eyes.

Sore

Cleaned the old place yesterday. And my right arm was complaining about it for the rest of the day and still utters the ocassional whimper today. It was scrubbing the windows that did the arm (and, as stiffness today indicatee, my back) in. Mark cleaned the kitchen and I cleaned the rest of the place. Next time we have to clean out a place, I'm going to do the kitchen and see if it really takes as long as he claims it does. I'm not getting suckered into the "I'll clean the kitchen and join you when I'm done" ploy again. I'm going to find out for myself if it's a ploy or not. One thing I know for sure: that kitchen is spotless. If we had cleaned the whole apartment to the degree that he cleaned the kitchen, I would be scrubbing windows with my feet because my arms would've given out long ago. My arm has never been in that much pain. I'm wondering how much writing I'll be able to accomplish today. Even just blogging and surfing through boards for a short while has brought on a resurgence of whining from my tricep and wrist. No matter what I do today, though, I need to make sure I'm prepared for my uncle's call tonight. Have to prep my questions and put together a plan for taking notes on what he says. And then Red Rocks will resume.

Quick Pause

Never fails. The minute you give up hope or throw in the towel or just make alternate plans, something goes right. My uncle just emailed me with information I need to keep going on Red Rocks. Well, some of it. And we're setting up a call time for next week. Sweet. I feel like a bona fide writer now. I have a source. :)

Not Again

They're tinkering with my posting template. Again. I liked it fine before, guys! Leave it alone!

Pausing: I'm going to put Red Rocks on hold for a bit while I wait to hear from my cop source. I've gotten to the point where I really need to know whether or not I'm writing stuff that's even plausible for how the police really handle missing persons. Writing when you have no idea if you're accurate tends to really increase the level of self-doubt and self-criticism. So to avoid tanking the project by floundering in ignorance, I'm going to take a breather from it. I'll use the time I gain to revise Human Dignity and really boost my worldbuilding time for Velorin.

Struggling

I was hoping to finish up my marathon goal today and write about 2500 words. But I've been pounding away at Red Rocks and I've only managed to eke out 860 words today. I may be able to reach my daily goal of 1.5k by 4, but I doubt it. But 860 isn't too bad. I'll probably break 1000 today by the time I finish up this chapter. And that's still progress. One thing I'm not ready to do with this new crazy scheduling is beat myself up for not doing what I had hoped. I just got to give it everything I got and see where it takes me. The goals are to help me aim. As I get used to making writing much more of a daily habit, I can start reaching those goals with regularity. And I'll likely be able to make up any word counts on the weekend. I tend to write much better then. It's all about experimenting with what makes me happy and works best for the realities of my life right now. I just need to make sure I don't give myself too many or too big an opportunity to whimp out. That's the key.

And my uncle the cop agreed to help out as much as he could with my research. That phone call went much better than expected (I really wish I could figure out why the notion bothered me so much). He's going to hunt through his books and send me any he doesn't need and send some references. I hope my questions don't look stupid. Wait. That's it! That's why I was hesitant to call him. *slaps forehead* Oh, get over it, Kellie. You can't be perfect to anyone, not even your relatives. Hell, especially not to your relatives.

Back in the Saddle...

After finishing the move in this weekend, I finally settled down into the new place. No more weird sensations that this is temporary or something's not right. I decided to capitalize on this and revamped my very dusty schedule for writing. I also got a bit of inspiration to do this by reading a recommendation for a new fiction line. My ideas for the next two months are very ambitious, but it feels right. I thing I was also spurred into action by the package I had waiting for me on Friday. 250 business cards proudly bearing my name and the title "Writer of Science Fiction, Fantasy & Romance". How can you not try to live up to that? Especially when you got the cards to pass out at a writing conference where you'll be bumping shoulders with agents and editors and authors?

So here's my crazy writing plan for the conference. I'm going to have Human Dignity revised and ready to kick out the door (meaning a good query letter and a shorter synopsis). I'm going to (hopefully) have a draft of Red Rocks completed or very nearly there as well as a synopsis (or synopsi - one short, one a bit longer). And I'm going to have the first three chapters of Chords of Honor (ick, still not happy with that title) done and a detailed synopsis written. I have no idea if I'll be able to do all this, but I'm sure as heck gonna try and have fun with it. I want to have all this completed by the writing conference so I can give any agent or editor I talk to more than vague ideas of what I want to write and where I want my career to go.

So this week is the test run of the new schedule. I'm off to a good start, too. And I really feel good about keeping it up. Plus it'll be interesting to see how I can juggle writing projects. Something that I'll need to know for that great day I can make this a career.

Writing Blind

In trying to write Brent's first Red Rocks appearance and POV chapter, I'm realizing just how much I want to know about police procedures and how much I don't know. My uncle is a cop in a suburb of Chicago, so I'm thinking I need to track him down and grill him. I just feel kind of odd thinking about asking my macho cop uncle questions for a romantic suspense. I'm very embarrassed to do this. I have no idea why. Probably another weird product of my brain when confronted with a situation it didn't expect (I'm still waiting to hear back from another source about these questions). I mean, I'm still reeling from the move. Instead of feeling like this is temporary, like there's a big change coming, I feel like something's wrong. It's really got me weirded out. It'll settle down after another week or two, I'm sure. But I just hate feeling like the ground underneath me keeps blinking out of existence.

Exhausted

When I get as dizzy as I was yesterday, my bod just quits. I was asleep by 8:30 (and that was after forcing myself to stay awake until after 8 - didn't want to throw off my sleep schedule too much). And I easily could've slept another five hours this morning. So I've spent most of today trying to keep my brain on top of things. Not an easy task. I'll probably go to sleep early again tonight.

No writing today. Which is kind of a good thing. I started writing in my hero's POV yesterday and, as usual, he's rather reluctant to share a whole lot with me. He's more talkative than Darren from HD, but I still need to know more about him. And right now I'm overplaying his angst a wee bit. And I'm also not sure if I've got the details right. I'm waiting to hear back about some research questions. I've got some other contacts that I could ask, but I'm feeling very new and foolish when it comes to asking people for help with researching a novel. I keep thinking I'm going to shove my foot down my throat or make a major faux-paus. Or, worse, both.

Ugh

Been steadliy adding words to Red Rocks. Up to about 850 today. But I've been getting dizzier and dizzier today. And it just got really bad. So I think I'll have to stop. Critique group is tonight and I haven't been in nearly a month. It would be nice to go, but not if I feel like this.

Wow.

Wrote 1500 words in Red Rocks today. I had only wanted to add in a couple phone calls and finish up a chapter. Didn't think it would take that many words. Very impressed, if I do say so myself. Now, if only I could start revising Human Dignity. Maybe after this weekend (a marathon, need to finish up the move-in process, and clean up the old apartment).

Red Rocks

So I've broken the 10,000 word mark with my second work in progress. Feels good. After a week or so hiatus from writing, the fingertips are nimble again as I pick up where I left off. I'm even more involved with the story now. As I was driving the car to the repair shop (that's right, I haven't talked about my trip to Vegas yet...more later), a view through Red Rocks and the next two books in that trilogy just smacked me in the face. Only for two characters, really, but it was the two that I'd been struggling with during my hiatus. Remember my first entry about this book? How my evil henchmen, in less than ten pages, had morphed into a much bigger character than I had intended? Well, the muse had been teasing me that she wanted the henchmen to eventually get together with the protagonist's twin sister. And my logical self kept screaming, "But the man kidnapped her! And was in jail! It doesn't matter that he's done everything to protect his little girl. He's still not the nicest of men!" But the dilemma and a few scenes hit me in the car and nearly made me cry with the emotion that these two characters are going to go through over the three books. I know where that's going. And it's going to drain me. But I'm going to try my hardest to get their story right.

And another story idea hit me today. In the form of a bit of dialogue. "I'm from Breeding Pool 5. You?" No idea where that sucker's going to go.