Monday, September 19, 2005

Hungry & Waiting

Last week I started a new habit: eating three dinners. I would swing into somewhere on my way home and pick up a quick bite, eat a full dinner with Mark, and then eat a very big snack before bed. Mark was aghast for much of the weekend, watching how much I ate. I can't help it, I'm that hungry. This is because of two things: Andrew's hanging out lower than before so my stomach has more room for food, and Andrew's spending all his time just putting on the weight so he naturally needs more fuel. This means I'm going crazy with food. It's a strange feeling to finish a large meal and realize that you could eat another one right away.

It's also strange to be in this holding pattern of "any day now". Andrew and my body are doing about the same as they have been for the past couple of weeks, making me feel like I'll be nine months pregnant forever and making the idea of actually delivering and caring for this child seem an impossibility. It's very strange. Mark and I are trying to convince Drew that he wants to show up this weekend. We'll be at the hospital Saturday morning for their baby gear garage sale, and we're hoping that I'll be walking through the first stages of labor while we peruse the sale and snatch some more goodies for the kid. Really, it would be very handy for him to start thinking it might be Time while we're finishing our shopping so we can just load up the trunk and then head on up to Labor & Delivery for the Big Event. Andrew's been fairly cooperative throughout this pregnancy, so here's hoping he decides to oblige us with this convenient time schedule.

I really do hope he comes in the next couple weeks. I'm starting to get a bit stir crazy, trying to make sure I've got my work stuff all settled every day before I leave, trying to stay normal with my writing schedule, trying to keep myself calm and relaxed, and trying to pretend like it doesn't make me twitch every now and then that life is poised for a big huge change at any second and I have to be ready for whenever and wherever and however it decides to happen. I'm doing OK with the work stuff. My back up will be able to take over without a hitch no matter when I start labor. The writing stuff works best at work, surprisingly. But my down time at home is becoming more and more focused on preparing, pretending that the nursery doesn't feel alien, and doing quiet things with the hubby, cherishing these last few moments as the couple we've been for the past four and a half years and anticipating the family we'll be in a few short weeks.

Talk about a head trip. But through it all, I can't get over the excitement of Andrew. Among all the worries about parenting and health and adjusting, I'm really looking forward to getting to know this little guy, figuring out what his smiles will look like, what his favorite books and toys and music and foods will be, seeing what sort of boy and teen and man he will become, learning how his life will affect mine. So hurry it up, Drew. We're eager to meet you.

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