Great News

This news is five days old, and I've been hinting at it in various different ways on this blog. So I'm not going to let the bad news that's occupied most of my day (well, the stuff leading up to that link occupied the morning; that link is the latest), get in the way of me spilling my good news.

I will be reading to Teresa Nielsen Hayden of Tor as part of the Annual Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers Colorado Gold Writing Conference. Now when I say "of Tor," I mean that Teresa is, like, Tor's UberEditor. My hands are already shaking. And, here's the best part: I signed myself up for this.

Last month, this sounded like a great idea. Feedback from a real, bona fide scifi & fantasy editor. From a mega publishing house. I'm in. Now I actually have to prep 10 pages of my MS and squeeze the 500 pages of my book into a 1 page synopsis. This is no longer abstract. And the reality is making me nervous.

What if she hates it?

So she'll tell me why, and I'll learn something and improve my writing.

But what if she hates it?

So I'll keep my chin up and try really hard to glean salient points from her critique despite the loud ringing in my ears as my self-esteem crumbles around me.

No, what if she HATES it?

Then I do everything in my power to prevent myself from crying in front of Tor's UberEditor. After that, I will consume large quantities of chocolate (perhaps an alcoholic beverage or ten) and give myself a week or so break from writing while I try to piece together some semblance of enjoyment from my work.

As I wandered through the above reactions, I realized something. No one's ever harshly critiqued my work. There have been critiques that are really attacks on my world view (and those tend to push a button and send diplomacy flying), but the vast majority have been supportive and helpful. As in, "This is good, but try doing X instead and it might be even better" or "Your writing is really improving, here's how to make it even better" etc. I need to experience something a little more severe before I read to Teresa Nielsen Hayden. So I'm going to ask three of my friends that I know are capable of removing the gloves AND that I can still be friends with after said gloves are off to listen to me read as I would in the class and then go to town. That will at least take the edge off my jitters. I mean, if I have some clue about what the class might be like if it goes to hell in a handbasket, then I'm less likely to resort to tears. And, unfortunately, my body deals with extreme emotional stress with tears. I really have no control over it. I have many stories to demonstrate this (the time I burst into tears after finishing my extremely frustrating and difficult first biochem exam and then wanted to discuss the answers with the prof so I could start studying for the next one comes to mind: "Professor? *sob* Don't mind *hic* the tears. I would like to *sniff* find out *wail* how to do number *sob* three."). I'm hoping that exposure to a somewhat intense and stressful situation with friends that haven't read the work but know me will lower the chances of a teary episode with Teresa Nielsen Hayden.

No matter what, I'll come out of the experience having learned something. And you can't beat that. (Well, you could. She could have a contract ready for me to sign as I finish my reading. What was I saying about the odds of winning the lottery again?)