Kellie 0, Agents 3

Got my third rejection yesterday. I had this strange sense it was in the stack of mail before I even saw it. This was the form letter that apologizes for being a form letter and makes assurances that my submission was given personal attention, even though the form letter might suggest otherwise. I think I prefer the brief "thanks, but no thanks" letter. The apologetic letter took up just enough space for me to get my hopes up that it wasn't a rejection letter. So out the query letter goes tomorrow to the next agent on the list.

I'm actually not expecting to gain representation or a sale for Human Dignity. It would be nice, but I just don't think it's going to happen - not any time soon at least. I don't even think I'm going to be able to get an agent or a publishing deal for The Masque, although my chances with that one will be greater than HD. I actually think my best chance for breaking into the publishing world lie with the quirky character who snagged a spot in my noggin last month. I can't really explain why. Call it a gut feeling - one I'd be happy to see proven wrong, of course. I guess I can step back far enough from my work to see where it's falling short from making it to the Big Time. But I know I need to try my best on it, learn what I can from it, and then I'll be ready to write Svink's tale and break into writing. I could be dead wrong. I could get through my revisions of The Masque and find I've got one sweet book on my hands. The difference between HD's first draft and the revisions I'm making now is extreme. I've always enjoyed learning, and I'm usually pretty quick on the uptake - apparently that holds true for my writing.

So why am I spending my time on these two projects (and, technically, the fantasy Strings of Betrayal, which seems perenially lost in the shuffle)? I need to learn more. I need to practice. I need to stop hanging out in the shallow end with my feet wet and really dive in. I'm doing that now, only I need to master a breaststroke, not the doggie-paddle. The big problem with all this is that I'm not patient when it comes to learning. I want to Know. And I want to Know Now.

Unfortunately, writing is anything but a field of instant gratification. But I've got to keep writing, even if I only find out that I'm not meant to be a writer. One great thing about this slow journey: it seems on track to make me address just about all of my flaws, shortcomings, quirks, strengths, dreams, goals - the sum total of Kellie Hazell. That can't be a waste of time.

Or maybe this is all just a way for me to handle the rejection letters in a non-destructive way. Regardless, it sounds pretty good. :)