Superbowl Exposed

You'd have to be hiding under a rock not to have heard anything about Justin Timberlake putting a literal spin on his song during last night's Super Bowl. In addition to posting links to all the shocking photos, a local radio morning show decided to hunt down where Miss Jackson shops for her nipple apparel (scroll down through some rather painful-looking accessories to reach the relevant "nipple shield" section). A sampling of outraged quotes on the issue:

• "I am outraged at what I saw during the halftime show of the Super Bowl," FCC Chairman Michael Powell said in a statement. "Like millions of Americans, my family and I gathered around the television for a celebration. Instead, that celebration was tainted by a classless, crass and deplorable stunt. Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better."
  
• "I am sorry that anyone was offended by the wardrobe malfunction during the halftime performance of the Super Bowl," Timberlake said in a statement. "It was not intentional and is regrettable."
  
• "We were extremely disappointed by elements of the MTV-produced halftime show," Joe Browne, NFL executive vice president, said. "They were totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show. It's unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime."
  
• From Washington Post'sTom Shales: Viewers who tuned in expecting a big-time football game saw the Super Bowl of Sleaze instead. Sexy and violent commercials that included jokes about flatulence and bestiality mercilessly interrupted the CBS telecast of Super Bowl XXXVIII from Houston last night, making it a dubious choice for family viewing. But it was the unexpected climax of the MTV-produced halftime show that shocked viewers and set the CBS switchboard ablaze.

So many jokes to make, so little time. First, the obvious: The "unexpected climax" of the show? The rest of Browne's comment might've gone something like this: "It's unlikely that MTV will produce another Super Bowl halftime. They completely renigged on their assurances that Jessica Simpson and Janet Jackson would kiss on stage." Or how about the rest of Powell's remarks: "Our nation's children, parents and citizens deserve better...after watching Panther's quaterback Delhomme say 'Oh you mother f***er' after a score." I also really like the concept that quality family programming involves watching a bunch of men in sweaty, tight pants grab each other's butts and their own crotches, gyrate, spit, swear, beat each other up, run around with bloody kleenexes up their noses, and ogle scantily clad cheerleaders. Or that a clip of Brittney Spears wearing nothing but a glitter suit is an appropriate family program slot advertisement for the CBS airing of the Grammys. If that's clean, wholesome living, then I shudder to think what true depravity is.

Also entertaining: Complaints that the advertisements for alcoholic beverages weren't suitable for family viewing. Where's Captain Obvious when you really, really need him? Or how about the whiners saying there were too many ads for erectile dysfunction treatments? Do they realize that marketing firms know their target audiences well? I only counted one such ad, but it turns out Levitra is another Viagara clone, not the cholesterol drug I thought it was - I guess I win the Not Paying Attention Award for that one. By the way, did anyone else catch the "Cannot be used for multiple attempts" disclaimer that flashed at the bottom of the screen during the Cialis ad? I was too busy pondering it that I missed the announcer saying it was a bad thing to have an erection for longer than four hours. I wonder if they just slipped that into the long list of Things To Be Said Too Fast To Comprehend - you know, right next to "may cause death, dismemberment, and general mayhem".

Regardless, the bar is raised. What next, O Hollywood? I await your next move with eyes half-covered by my fingers.