Monday, March 17, 2003

Writing: I didn't write at all yesterday. Just sat around playing videogames. I felt guilty, but I just couldn't write. I was convinced my story was going nowhere or heading toward a crappy ending. I've been feeling that way a lot the past couple weeks. Mark doesn't understand it. He says my writing's great and I have no reason to doubt that. And I know he's not just saying that because vital parts of his anatomy may be at risk. So finally yesterday I forced myself to think about why I was so short on self-esteem. I came up with four reasons. 1) I have never completed a draft of a book, revised it, and tried to get it out there. The Unknown always does wicked things to my attitude, and this is probably no exception. But if this the only reason, then it's going to suck forcing myself through this ickiness just to have completed the Writing Process on one book so I have a basis for understanding it. If that made any sense.... 2) I stopped doing my night and morning rituals the past couple weeks in favor of sleep. I have a feeling it's not helping anything to spend less time pampering myself with nightly moisturizing and daily workouts. So I fixed that last night and forced myself to get back in that routine. 3) There is something wrong with my protagonists. They've either got the wrong motivation or I'm not expressing them right. Either way, it needs to be fixed before I really like any scene I wrote involving them. It kinda went down hill when Josie came into the picture. I'll have to let that simmer in my head for a while and see if I can really pinpoint the problem and come up with a solution. And, lastly, 4) I really do suck. :) I don't think that's true - at least, I hope it's not true. But I think it's still going to be there (hopefully in much smaller doses) until I get through the process with Human Dignity.

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